Man, to copier: There is paper in there! Stop being stupid! No, I will not add paper to tray four, I can tell you that right now. I will shoot someone before I add paper to tray four.
Berry College
Rome, Georgia
Man, to copier: There is paper in there! Stop being stupid! No, I will not add paper to tray four, I can tell you that right now. I will shoot someone before I add paper to tray four.
Berry College
Rome, Georgia
Office guy #1: Apparently we can’t have mechanical pencils anymore.
Office guy #2: Dammit! That supply czar is drunk with power.
1255 23rd Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Kristen
Female peon to another: My roommate wants me to do laundry, but I don’t know when I can do it. I’m too hung over on Saturday morning, and I have Bible study Sunday morning.
Studio City, California
Office chick #1: Don’t squeeze it! All the goo will come out!
Office chick #2, playing with stress ball: Why, what happened?
Office chick #1: I got a little too excited and squeezed it until it popped… That’s why I don’t hold babies…
Arlington, Virginia
Project lead: It’s like making a vegetarian eat a hamster.
Burton Drive
Santa Clara, California
Overheard by: Rob
Peon #1: Did you hear they’re thinking about banning all gel-enhanced bras on airplanes?
Peon #2: Women wear gel in their bras?
Peon #1: It’s like padding, but gel, which gives it a more natural enhancement and feel.
Peon #2: That’s false advertising!
Nova Scotia
Canadia
Employee #1: So we don’t sell insurance! What’s hard to understand about that?
Employee #2: I don’t know. It’s like, ‘Don’t yell at the broccoli plant for not growing carrots.’
2145 Riverside Drive
Macon, Georgia
Overheard by: not an insurance salesman
Electronics employee on phone: You’re supposed to call 911 in case of emergencies, not Wal-Mart.
Wal-Mart Supercenter
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Mike
Female supervisor: Ewww!
CCR: What?
Female supervisor: I was trying to find January, and I got ink all over me!
1 Ivybrook Boulevard
Ivyland, Pennsylvania
Old lady peon, bursting excitedly into office: I just went to the craft store and picked up some holiday window clings for my office!
Young male peon: Wow. That’s… fantastic.
Old lady peon: I’ve got Santa Claus and reindeer and snowmen and snowflakes… I asked about Hanukkah stuff, but they didn’t have any. I’m going to do this for every holiday! This is great!
Young male peon: What about Kwanzaa?
Old lady peon: Oh, no, that’s a man-made holiday.
Sacramento, California
