Male payroll processor: If you want me to process your payroll, you have to put the time you came in and left.
Female coworker: I was out sick. Did you see that I used sick time?
Male payroll processor: Yeah! What’s your point?
Female coworker: I was out sick! I didn’t come in or leave!
Male payroll processor: Whatever! More work for me!
Speedway
Tucson, Arizona
Red-faced, furious manager, gesticulating at mildly messy sales rack: This is a disaster! Everyone put everything everywhere!
Plymouth, Michigan
Co-worker: You know, you should stay home when you’re sick. You ruined my whole weekend.
Sick co-worker: [Laughs.]Co-worker, enraged: I’m not kidding! You ruined my whole weekend! Stay home next time, damnit!
Jefferson Road
Cookeville, Tennessee
[Whistling can be heard through a door.]Co-worker: Where’s that goddamn whistling coming from? Hello?! Stop fucking whistling! Don’t you know there are people trying to be miserable here?!
Escanaba, Michigan
Overheard by: Auds
Coworker: With as much time as we spend pulling stuff out of our ass around here, it’s amazing they even give us chairs.
Fort Worth, Texas
Manager: I’ll never get promoted. I’m misunderestimated.
[manager leaves]HR Clerk: If “misunderestimated” is defined as crapping your pants at work, then he is misunderestimated.
Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Big boss to bigger boss, while on phone with car seller: How much are your car payments?
Bigger boss: An arm, a leg, and a testicle!
Worcester Road
Natick, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Meg
Assistant: My ass has taken enough punishment for one day.
Newcastle
Australia
Overheard by: At the next desk
Manager: What seems to be the problem, sir?
Irate customer: Your employee isn’t arguing with me so I can report him to you.
Olympia Sports
Hyannis, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Bobby
Man diva: I mean, I cannot believe my little brother didn’t notice that stain for five hours! How can you think it’s water when it doesn’t dry for five hours?
Girl: Well maybe he wasn’t paying attention. It was your grandfather’s funeral.
Man diva: Ohmigod it’s like seven inches across the cuff!
Girl: I’m sure there’s somewhere you can still wear them?
Man diva: Yeah, if somebody has a stain party!
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Dry cleaner no good
