Student: Hi, I was wondering what time you closed.
Front desk clerk: We close tonight at midnight.
Student: Yeah, but what time exactly? Like 9 pm?
Seattle, Washington
Student: Hi, I was wondering what time you closed.
Front desk clerk: We close tonight at midnight.
Student: Yeah, but what time exactly? Like 9 pm?
Seattle, Washington
Male payroll processor: If you want me to process your payroll, you have to put the time you came in and left.
Female coworker: I was out sick. Did you see that I used sick time?
Male payroll processor: Yeah! What’s your point?
Female coworker: I was out sick! I didn’t come in or leave!
Male payroll processor: Whatever! More work for me!
Speedway
Tucson, Arizona
Manager, in a panic: We sent a box of sex toys to the wrong customer!
Employee #1: Where did it go?
Manager: Jamaica.
Employee #1: Wasn’t it supposed to go to Barbados?
Manager: Yeah…
Employee #2: Not my fault! You can’t blame me!
Miami, Florida
Female coworker: What does “truncated” mean?
Male coworker: It’s like… If you shortened an elephant’s trunk, it would be truncated.
(pause)
Female coworker: But this e-mail doesn’t even say anything about elephants.
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Babar
Engineer, emphatically: You can ask me until you are blue in the face, but I still can’t give you an answer.
Boss, unimpressed: I need you to give me an answer.
Stratford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Deek
Lab tech: He needs to retake the drug screening.
Nurse: Why? He said he was ready to give a urine sample.
Lab tech: Well… How do I put this delicately? He did give us *a* sample… Just not the kind we needed.
Nurse: Wait, you mean… he… Oh my god! How the hell did he poop in that cup? I am impressed!
Lab tech: Yea, I kinda am to.
Hospital
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Workin’ here for the insurance
CSR, on speakerphone: And where would you like this order shipped?
Secretary: 123 Main St.*, Los Alamos, New Mexico.
CSR : We don’t ship out of the country.
Secretary: That’s fine, but this address is in the country.
CSR : No, you said to ship it to New Mexico.
Secretary: Yes, New Mexico is a state in the US.
CSR : Sorry, but we can’t ship out of the US.
Secretary: Do you have a supervisor I can talk to, please?
[Long pause.]CSR supervisor: This is Tim. Can I help you?
Secretary: I hope so, Tim. Your employee doesn’t seem to understand that New Mexico is a state in the United States, and so refuses to ship me your product.
Supervisor: Well, that’s true. We can’t ship out of the country. I’m sorry ma’am.
Secretary, raising her voice a little: Have you never even heard of the state of New Mexico? It’s one of the big, square ones? It’s right between Texas and Arizona? It’s one of the 50 United States?
Supervisor: I’m sorry, it’s just our policy not to ship out of the US.
Secretary: Tim, let me get this straight. Your company is going to lose a $14,000 order because the people in your customer service department are too moronic to know or comprehend that the state of New Mexico is a part of the United States?
Supervisor: Yes, ma’am. That’s our policy.
Secretary, completely exasperated: Well, I guess there’s nothing more to be said, is there?
Supervisor: No, ma’am. Have a nice day.
Los Alamos, New Mexico
Overheard by: New Mexican
Puzzled physical therapist: So, what position do you play on the football team?
Stoner high school athlete: I play wide receiver, defensive back, running back, you know, I’m a utensil player.
1300 East
Sandy, Utah
Overheard by: The Fork
Office vet #1: Lisa* was showing me how to use chopsticks at lunch today, you know, cause she’s Asian.
Office vet #2: Lisa*?
Office vet #1: You know, the girl we work with in third party…I don’t know what kind of Asian she is, apparently there’s different kinds, you know…
St. Paul Plaza
Baltimore, Maryland
Manager: I’ll never get promoted. I’m misunderestimated.
[manager leaves]HR Clerk: If “misunderestimated” is defined as crapping your pants at work, then he is misunderestimated.
Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
