In respose to several of our wholesale customers reporting strong on-line sales in December; Boss: We do all the work and they make all the money? We have a website too and it’s time we started reminding these people of that! We need to be making a hell of a lot more money areound here than we are now. Time to start firing a few of these so-called “Top Customers”. That’ll fucking show ’em who’s boss!
800 Boylston Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Manager: I’m going to be turning in my old laptop for a new one. I want to get another IBM, one of the ultralight ones.
Techie: We’re not leasing IBMs anymore. We’re currently leasing HPs and Dells.
Manager: I don’t like the HPs and I really want an IBM. How can I get one?
Techie: Well…you would need to provide us with a medical reason and a doctor’s note.
10 Almaden Boulevard
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Stealth Nerf
Co-worker #1: Well, well, that’s an interesting name! What backround is that?
Co-worker #2: It’s Turkish.
Co-worker #1: Really! That’s so interesting, because I just spent the last twenty years in Germany and there are apparently a lot of Turks there. I don’t think I’ve ever actually met one, but there are supposed to be a lot of them there.
165 Markham Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Girl: This whole thing is such a tragedy.
Guy: I know, I actually have some old friends there that survived, luckily.
Girl: Where is Tsunami, anyways?
21 Spectrum Pointe
Lake Forest, California
Overheard by: Brandon Walter
Investment Banker (on phone): What? Are you sure? I really don’t think you are in labor and I have plans…What that means is that I really want to recruit this guy and I am going to continue having drinks with him. Call me in two hours…No, I am not going to meet you at the hospital. These things take forever…I’ll be there when it’s Go time, not until then.
9 West 57th Street
New York, NY
Guy #1: God, I’m so tired. I feel like I just ran the Tour de France.
Guy #2: Yeah, I’d love to see you get hit by a bunch of bikes.
737 Main St.
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: chris b
Customer: So where in the instruction manual does it tell me to save the receipt?
Customer Service Rep.: You’re kidding me, right? You mean to say that you have to be told to save your receipt?
Customer: Yes, I do.
Customer Service Rep.: So, if you were to go out and buy a roll of toilet paper, it would have to say “Tear here, wipe there” or else you wouldn’t know how to use it? Because both are pretty much common sense, sir.
835 41st Street
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: christiana (while doing remote observations on customer service calls)
The food delivery guy waits outside the office to be let in. A woman comes to the door.
Woman: Who is this food for?
He hands the slip to the woman.
Woman: No! “RING” is what you’re supposed to do when you get here; that’s not the name of the person. How long have you been standing there?
470 Park Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Sarah Federman
Patron: Can you please tell me where I can find post-modern American fiction?
Librarian: Post-modern? That would be in the future, there’s no such thing.
Patron: Uh, okay. Can you tell me where science fiction is?
100 S. Potomac Street
Hagerstown, Maryland
Overheard by: Vince Valenzuela
Maintenance guy: How many nervous breakdowns are we allowed to have in a year?
Office Manager: Excuse me?
Maintenance guy: I don’t know if we are supposed to stay within a goal.
5825 Chimney Rock Road
Houston, Texas
