General Idiocy

Office manager: Why aren't you wearing a tie today?
Worker: Oh, well… I'm going to see a client, so I didn't think I needed one on today.
Office manager: All the more reason to wear a tie.
Worker: Well, I'm in the office, so I didn't think that I had to wear one.
Office manager, pulling out employee handbook: It says right here: “all employees must always be dressed appropriately. Men wearing dress slacks, button-down shirt, and tie.”
Worker: Oh! See, ties don't really work for me. But that's okay, right?

Staten Island

Female co-worker #1: So, I watched this special on TV about how some people are born with two distinct sets of DNA. They had a guy on it that was half white and half black.
Female co-worker #2: Having one black nut and one white nut would be awesome.
Female co-worker #1: Um, yeah.

2600 McHale Court
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: John da peon

Girl in smoking area: Yeah. Well, they say that the United States has the most severe weather of our whole country.

Evans, Colorado

Overheard by: Princess

Student teaching CPR: They're unconscious. They won't know what's going on, so it's all good.

Leesburg, Virginia

Employee: I have a problem and don’t know what to do.
Manager: What is the problem?
Employee: The toliet paper is missing, and I don’t know what to do.

1850 14th Avenue SE
Albany, Oregon

Boss: Oh hey, what are ya'll doing in the server closet?
Underling #1: He's playing with his new toy.
Boss: Cool. What's his new toy?
Underling #2, from behind server rack: Water gun.

Dallas, Texas

Software developer on phone: Like I care what it looks like during a recession? Yes… Pull all the leather out of the Porsche. They use cheap leather at the factory!

Houston, Texas

Ditzy office manager to coworker: I think I just had, what do you call it, a brain hernia…

San Bernardino, California

Overheard by: Mister Chief

Co-Worker: I spilled my milk this morning and my husband was like, "Don’t cry over spilled milk." He’s always saying funny things like that.

Carmel, Indiana

CSR girl: C-s-z.
Accounting girl: C-s-b?
CSR girl: No, “z”! “Z!” Like, um…”xylophone.”

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Nikki