Trashy girl: What time do you close? 10?
Laundromat owner: 9:30.
Trashy girl: Well… Could you like, stay open until 10? So I could get my clothes?
Laundromat owner: (blank stare)
Trashy girl: I mean, could you just, like, not close with my clothes still in here?
Laundromat owner: Lady, as soon as that clock hits 9:30, we out of here.
Queens, New York
Intern: I’ve never had butt sex. I’m saving it for marriage. Since I’m not a virgin anymore, I have to save something for my husband.
Friend: You’re so dumb. You should have done what I did. I ONLY have butt sex, so I’m still a virgin.
Pour House Bar, Capital Hill
Washington, District of Columbia
Boss: There’s pizza in the back room for everyone in appreciation of your hard work!
Employee #1: Hey, Jen*, can you save me a slice? I can’t leave my desk right now.
Employee #2: Sure, I’ll bring two back. There should be enough for two slices per person.
Employee #3: You know, I work harder than the rest of you all combined; therefore, I should get the most fuckin’ pizza. Does anyone else here work as hard as me? I don’t fuckin’ think so. So that means that I get more pizza. I don’t want to see anyone eating more fuckin’ pizza than me.
Employee #2: So, Meredith*, what kind of pizza did you want?
Employee #1: Um, I think I’ll just… stick with my yogurt… Thanks.
570 Worcester Road
Framingham, Massachusetts
Female shop assistant: Sorry sir, but you'll have to stand outside. These changing rooms are for women only.
Cocky Spaniard: So?
Female shop assistant: You're a man.
Cocky Spaniard: But I'm gay!
Female shop assistant: That's not really my problem, sir. Please wait outside.
Massimo Dutti Store
Dubai
Overheard by: Keep Digging!
Boss: …Right where a woman belongs!
Co-worker: Where’s that, [Kevin]?
Boss: In the kitchen!
Co-worker: Oh, you did not just say that!
Boss: No, you’re right…I didn’t.
1345 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY
Sales Rep: This is what happens when you have an idiot like me doing this shit.
435 Metroplex Drive
Nashville, Tennessee
Committee Lead: Okay, how about some pros for holding the picnic at the zoo?
Committee Member: Monkeys slinging poo!
20800 Harvard Road
Cleveland, Ohio
Boss: Hey, my mouse arrow is reversed on the screen.
Worker: What…how?
Boss: If I go this way, it goes that way…Oh, never mind, I was holding it upside down.
10199 Riverford Road
Lakeside, California
Loud white lady: Seattle was so beautiful… Then I get back here and it's like being in Africa!
Large black man It's not like Africa.
Loud white lady: Well, minus all the black people…
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: itstooearlyforthis
Co-worker #1: If I sent the e-mail to [Duncan]’s BlueBerry, would he be able to open the attachment?
Co-worker #2: What’s a BlueBerry?
Co-worker #1: You know, a PDA. Everyone up there has them.
Co-worker #2: I thought those were BlackBerrys?
Co-worker #1: No, they are blue, the black ones are last seasons’s model. Look it up.
100 North 6th Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jay
