General Idiocy

The Aunt Needed to Be Wormed after an Unfortunate Incident with a Tequila Bottle

Sales assistant #1: My dad came over this last weekend and wormed Annabelle for me.
Office manager: Why did your dad have to do it?
Sales assistant #2: Is this your aunt?
Office manager: Don’t you just give her a pill?
Sales assistant #1: No, you put it up her… poo.
Sales assistant #2: Ummm…
Sales assistant #3: It’s an animal, Ed*!
Sales assistant #1: My dad wormed Josie, too. He has to put the medicine up the dog’s tushy.
Sales assistant #2: Ohhh, okay, I thought this was her aunt. I’m okay now.

England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

4PM Software Upgrade Project…Kill Me Now

Manager: Since most of these are not used, let’s go through and upgrade those first, then we’ll see what’s left.
Programmer: If they’re not used, we don’t need to upgrade them, right?
Manager: Right, but we need to figure out which ones are used.
Programmer: Can’t we figure that out by eliminating the ones that aren’t used without upgrading them?
Manager: No, we need to upgrade the obsolete programs first.

580 Walnut Street
Cincinnati, Ohio

There’s a Big Switch at Al Gore’s House

Boss: Wait, is the internet on?

Bethesda, Maryland

No Time to Listen; I’ve Got Talking to Do

Guy: My computer keeps freezing.
Girl: It’s not freezing, it’s hot in here.

135 E. 57th Street
New York, NY

12PM Order E-mail for Dummies

General Manager: I have an email problem, I need you to answer a question…Do I have to use all lowercase Ls here? Can’t I use 1s? They look like 1s.
IT: No! You have to use Ls! That is how e-mail works! It’s an address that you have to get right!
General Manager: It’s hard to tell if it is an L or a 1.
IT: Well yes, but from context clues, the email says, “Little Girl.”
General Manager: Well you know what they say about assuming. Makes an ass…you…me.

13601 FM 529 Road
Houston, Texas

At the TMI Olympics

Uber-friendly coworker: Do you ever find that your asshole hurts after you sneeze?

101st Street and Jasper Avenue
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

2PM Go Through Resumes

Manager: Look at this, this lady put “dictaphone” under skills on their resume.
Worker: What? A dickaphone? Was she a phone sex operator?

1402 Harborside Drive
Galveston, Texas

Overheard by: ladyinthemidst

It Sounds Like a James Bond Temptress

Office supervisor: Could you please send our new price list to our office in Kuala Lumpur?
Receptionist: Is Kuala Lumpur a real place?
Office supervisor: Oh my god! (laughs, then leaves)
Receptionist, to other office colleagues: Why did he laugh at me?
Colleagues: You have got to be kidding!

Belmont
Western Australia
Australia

When the Office Turtle Goes Missing

Female drone: Kelly*!, Kelly!
Kelly: What?
Female drone: Never mind, I don't need you! I found it.
Kelly: You sure?
Female drone: Yeah, I just had to use my other hand to get in my box.

Delran, New Jersey

Overheard by: Bruce Banner

Seriously, How Does Anyone Learn English?

Male coworker: Your mom.
Female coworker #1: Leave that whore outta this.
Female coworker #2: Whoah, did she just say…?
Female coworker #1: Yes, I did.
Boss: The “h” word?
Female coworker #1: Actually, it's the “w” word.

Plainsboro, New Jersey

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