Employees

Female employee #1: I thought the least I could do to get ready for my cruise is getting a pedicure.
Female employee #2: Are you going to a bikini wax too?
Female employee #1: No, getting a pedicure is already almost too girly for me.
Female employee #2: C’mon Andrea*, once you have it done, you will be amazed at how neat and pretty it can be down there.
Female employee #1: No way! I like to be “all natural,” including down there if you know what I mean.

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Em-bare-ssed

Flight attendant, as plane lands: JetBlue airways would like to welcome you to Boston, where the local time is approximately 9:50 and the local temperature is approximately cold.

Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: he was right

Barista handing toast to customer: You're all buttered up and ready to rock and roll!

Redlands, California

Overheard by: snotting_espresso

New hire: Can't we maybe be more optimistic about the sales projections?
Boss: Optimism? Optimism? Optimism is just lack of information.

Washington, DC

Employee #1, looking at t-shirt designed by Daisy Fuentes with a spanish word printed on it: God, when did Daisy Fuentes become Spanish?
Employee #2: Hasn't she always been Spanish?
Employee #1: No! She thinks she's so cool she can just decide to be Spanish one day.
Employee #2: But her last name sounds Spanish.
Employee #1, pronouncing it wrong: Fuentes? Whatever, that isn't Spanish. She's so fake. God, I hate people that are fake.

Kohl's Department Store
Minnesota

Overheard by: Expect Great Things

Woman in cubicle on call with overseas agent: Oh, hello… were you in Slumdog Millionaire?
Confused customer service agent: What?

Ottawa
Canadia

Overheard by: poking my eyes out with my pen

Library clerk, exiting elevator: Whooo! It stinks in there! Who just got off of the elevator?
Student worker: (silence)

Fort Worth, Texas

Cube rat: Hell, we were finding underwear on top of the refrigerator for two weeks.

400 N 5th Street
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: AndyDan

Employee on phone: I was just calling to confirm that we can show your house all this weekend. I know you don’t usually show on Saturdays, but since you’ll be out of town for the weekend, can we show on Saturday also?
Eccentric homeowner: Oh, no! The Sabbath is for eternity!

Real estate office
Annapolis, Maryland

Overheard by: K the Amazing Receptionist

Sheepish cube dweller trying to be quiet: Yeah. This is Angie* from last night. I think I left my gym shoes in your car last night when we were done.

Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: Septimus