Yelling large lady in yellow shirt, entering bathroom: Dontcha wish you were a bird so you could just take a crap whenever ya wanted? (slams door) You could shit on the floor, on people's heads, never have to run and hope ya make it!
Temecula, California
Social worker: I have no feelings about ferrets. No feelings at all.
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: animal lover
Girl: My cats chewed through my computer's power cord this morning. (sighs) I guess I'm going to have to bite the bullet and buy a new one.
Apple guy: Or you could use that bullet to shoot your cats!
(girl stares at him)
Apple guy: Uh… I take back that comment heartily.
Apple Store
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Misaki
Colleague leading a meeting: This is where the meet… uh… um… This is where the pedal meets the road.
Fort Worth, Texas
Overheard by: ron
Manager to worker: Did you get some sun this weekend?
Worker, sheepishly: Yeah.
Manager with gusto: Man, you're redder than a dick on a dog!
Southlake, Texas
Customer: I would like to buy this box of condoms, but I want to know if I can return them if they don't work.
Cashier: What do you mean “if they don't work?”
Customer: You know! If I get pregnant!
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: OhMyGodBecky
Patron: I'm looking for a book. Could you help me?
Clerk: Can you tell me the title?
Patron: No.
Clerk: How about the author ?
Patron: Uh, no, I don't don't know the author or the title but it has something to do with (pause) uhh…
Clerk: You need to go to the reference desk so that they can look it up for you.
Lima, Ohio
Office worker to receptionist: I would have been here an hour and a half ago but the goats got out.
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Office worker: You can't take anything into the prison. But I totally want to take a picture. For prosperity.
Oregon
Overheard by: Hutch
Middle-aged worker bee on phone: Mother, are you pregnant?
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
