My Taste Buds Are Resurrected

Excited graduate assistant: Cadbury cream eggs are like the Jesus of Easter!
Faculty passerby: Wait, what?

Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio

Posted on March 31, 2015
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Education, Employees, Holidays, Meals and Snacks, Places, Questions, Religion, Students

Don't Let Women Tell You How to Be a Man, Gentlemen

Male coworker: I'm taking a Zumba class at the gym tonight.
Female coworker, deadpan: Isn't that what women do?
Male coworker, ignoring: They have this one thing where they make you link arms, and everyone is all covered in sweat.
Female coworker, still deadpan: You're going to get ringworm.

Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania

Posted on March 31, 2015
Coworkers, Education, Health & Hygiene, Pennsylvania, Questions

At Least There's No Chance She'll Reproduce

Female high school student walking into guidance counselor's office with a group of friends: Oh, right! You're who we come to talk to about sex.
Guidance counselor: Ahh, yes…
Female student: Well, I don't need to talk to you because I don't do that.
Guidance counselor: Do what?
Female student: You know…sex. I don't do it 'cause I'm syllabus.
Guidance counselor: Ummmm, right.

Roxbury, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Miss

Posted on March 27, 2015
Education, General Idiocy, Massachusetts, Sexuality, Students, Teachers, Words

Or Correctly Define “Add”

Software developer, after running a successful test: Boo-yah! I’m not dumb! I may not know what 12 minus 5 is, but I’m not dumb! Who cares if I can’t add?

Suburb
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted on March 22, 2015
Compliments, Default, Education, General Idiocy, Insults, Smart Employees, Tech, Tech People, TestingTest

Especially When it Leaks out the Hole in my Side

Student: Ooooh, grape juice! I love drinking grape juice. It makes me feel like Jesus.

Eastern Kentucky University Dining Commons
Richmond, Kentucky

Posted on March 22, 2015
Education, Feelings, Kentucky, Meals and Snacks, Religion, Students

You Should Have Had a Few Spares

Administrator on phone: Yeah, my cat passed away last Sunday. I put him in a paper bag and put it out on the curb for… for trash pick-up… What else could I do? Can’t put him in the back yard. Yeah, I gotta get a new place. I can’t stand the mice anymore.

Department of Education, 65 Court Street
Brooklyn, New York

Overheard by: Emma

Posted on March 15, 2015
Admins, Death, Education, General Idiocy, New York, On the phone

But It Was a Booby Prize in Every Way

Faculty member: Her chest looked like it was being displayed as first prize at a raffle.

Notre Dame, Indiana

Overheard by: iz

Posted on March 13, 2015
Body Parts, Compare and contrast, Default, Education, Employees, Indiana, Physical Appearance

When I Woke Up, I Was Here.

English professor to secretary: According to my college transcript, I took a course in my freshman year called “introduction to drugs”. I have no recollection of this course, and I wonder why.

Gettysburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: English Major

Posted on February 23, 2015
Admins, Education, Pennsylvania, School, Substance Use & Abuse, Teachers, Weirdness

She Minored in the Snorting Arts

Nurse: I graduated with marijuana honors. I had one rolled under my cap and gown.

Edison, New Jersey

Posted on February 21, 2015
Clothes, Education, New Jersey, Nurses, Substance Use & Abuse