Dumb Customers

Seems No One Is Safe from the Quality-Control Spies

Customer: Do you have a copy machine?
CSR: Um, no… This is a book store.
Customer: Yeah, but I just want to copy this book.
CSR: We sell books.
Customer: But I don’t want to buy it, I just want to copy it.
CSR: Then maybe you should try a library. We sell books.
Customer: But I’m here now, and I want to copy this book.
CSR: Look, okay, buy the book take it down to Kinkos and copy it, then return it.
Customer: I think that’s illegal. I’d like to report you to your manager.

Book store
Pensacola, Florida

Overheard by: Michelle

His Sensitivity Might Be Better Appreciated at Country Curtains

Guy to his wife: Hey… look at this guy’s picture on the wall. He looks like he is miserable and doesn’t like being at work.
Home Depot Employee whose picture is on the wall: That was taken on a bad hair day!
Man: Oh… sorry. Where would you find paint?

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Home Depot Shopper

With No Yeast?

Employee: Hi! Can I help you?
Woman: Can I have a six-inch BLT on Italian?
Employee: I’m sorry, we’re out of Italian.
Woman: Can I just have white bread?
Employee: That’s the same as Italian.
Woman: Do you have plain bread?

13600 Solomons Island Road
Solomons, Maryland

Overheard by: I hate Jared.

4PM Second Shift

Customer: What’s the difference between fiction and nonfiction? I always forget.
Dumbfounded coworker: Ummmm, nonfiction is true and fiction isn’t.

Next customer. . .

Coworker: Hi, do you need help?
Customer: Yeah, are we on the east coast or the west coast?
Dumfounded coworker: east coast [rolls eyes].
Customer: Then why do you sell books on west coast birds?
Angry manager: Because people like to go on vaction to bird watch.
Customer: That’s stupid. I don’t even know why my wife wants to look at these stupid birds anyway.

Angry manager to dumbfounded coworker: It’s gonna be one of those days, isn’t it?
Dumbfounded coworker: Yeah, all the retards are out tonight.

425 Jerico Turnpike
Syosset, New York

And That Whip Over There

Customer: Why does the leather look like this on the the boot? Does this mean it's shit?
Sales girl: Well, I…
Customer: It's shit, isn't it? Tell me they're shit.
Sales girl: …their shit?
Customer: Perfect, I'll take them.

Shoe Shop
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Confused

With or Without Sound?

Patron using computer: I want to print this. (points to screen)
Librarian, looking over patron’s shoulder: You want to print that YouTube video?

Public Library
Atlanta, Georgia

Made from Kryptonian Pigs

Diner #1: It’s got just a shade of spice?
Diner #2: Hmmm…
Diner #1: Because I really don’t like the bacon super spicy…
Waiter: Um, yes.

Smoketown Road
Woodbridge, Virginia

4PM Customer Service Call

A customer is on speakerphone.

Customer: Which one is the spacebar?
Co-worker: How can you not know where the spacebar is?
Customer: I’m not good with computers.
Co-worker: But you’ve used a typewriter before, haven’t you?
Customer: Yeah, so?

460 Hillside Avenue
Needham, Massachusetts

Overheard by: S. Griffin

When You’ve Had that Many ‘Shrooms, who Can be Sure?

BK guy: What did you do this weekend?
BK girl: I went to Ohio for a concert.
BK guy: Ohio? You went all the way over by California for a concert?
BK girl: Ummm… No…

Burger King, Rhode Island

Just Don’t Ask About the Exit

A knock is heard and then the visitor asks: Hello, is this the entrance to this door?

1405 Admiral Doyle Drive
New Iberia, Louisiana

Overheard by: chris the toadie

© 2026 OverheardinTheOffice.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist