If Maxim Had Horoscopes

Boss to employee: After you pound four beers your balls always end up in the gutter.

San Francisco, California

Posted on July 12, 2015
Body Parts, Bosses and Underlings, California, Drinking

…Not As Drunk As I Am Now, but Close.

Coworker #1: I got the hiccups from eating a pretzel the last time I was at a Pacers game.
Coworker #2: You got the hiccups from eating a pretzel?
Coworker #1: Yeah, all that bread… and I was drunk.

Indianapolis, Indiana

Posted on July 6, 2015
Coworkers, Drinking, Health & Hygiene, Indiana, Meals and Snacks

Have You Tried Trimming Your “Tomato Patch”?

Older employee to younger employees: That's why I don't live in town. I would be in jail. They would say, “you can't have a beer out here” and “you can't be in the nude” no matter how hot it is in your tomato patch!

Roanoke, West Virginia

Posted on June 24, 2015
Crimes, Drinking, Employees, Weirdness, West Virginia

As Required by Minnesota Law

HR person, filling out paperwork for new employee: I need to know the name of the bank to direct deposit your check to.
New employee, dumbfounded: Um, shoot, I can’t remember it. Oh, it’s the one connected to the liquor store!

Hanson Avenue
Albert Lea, Minnesota

Posted on June 21, 2015
Default, Drinking, Dumb Employees, Human Resources, Minnesota, Names, Questions

I Blame the Asparagus

Admin to another: It's not life or death or anything. My water's just a little stinky, that's all.

Eugene, Oregon

Posted on June 12, 2015
Admins, Drinking, Insults, Oregon, Restroom

Being Irish Is Part Nature and Part Nurture

Male coworker, pointing at big sweater: This is Irish!
Female Irish-American coworker, pointing at crotch: So is this!
Male coworker: Because it’s freckly and smells like Guinness?

Austin, Texas

Posted on June 12, 2015
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Drinking, Geography & History, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Texas

Contributing to Domestic Abuse Is a Hoot and a Half

Drunk on phone: Hello, is this Frogs?
Intern: No, this is not a bar, it is a place of business.
Drunk on phone: Look…is my honey Lois there?
Intern: No, please don't call anymore. (hangs up)
(phone rings again)
Drunk on the phone: Look…I'm looking for my honey Lois. Is she there?
Intern: No, this is a place of business. Please stop calling.
(hangs up phone, then it rings again)
Drunk on the phone: Have you seen my honey, Lois?
Supervisor: Yeah, I've seen her. She's sitting here at the bar and she's making out with a bunch of guys.
Drunk on the phone: Bitch! Tell her I'm going to kill her.
Supervisor: I would love to, but I think she's having sex right now on the bar. I'll wait until she's done.
Drunk on the phone: I can't believe she is doing this to me. (starts to cry and hangs up phone)
Supervisor to intern: Every once in a while you gotta have a little fun.

Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Annmarie

Posted on May 21, 2015
Bosses, Crazies, Drinking, Feelings, Interns & Temps, Nevada, On the phone, Questions, Sexuality, Violence, Weirdness

…The Amaretto Is for Jesus.

Loopy office lady: Oh, in the winter I only drink decaf, but in the summer, I drink coffee with one shot of Kahlua, one shot of Baileys, and one scoop of vanilla ice cream. Oh, yeah! And one shot of amaretto.

Office Park
Murray, Utah

Overheard by: I'm the sucker with cream only.