Manager: Never before have the seat of my pants been so flown upon.
Record Exchange
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jonny the Shiv
Manager: Never before have the seat of my pants been so flown upon.
Record Exchange
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jonny the Shiv
Man diva: I mean, I cannot believe my little brother didn’t notice that stain for five hours! How can you think it’s water when it doesn’t dry for five hours?
Girl: Well maybe he wasn’t paying attention. It was your grandfather’s funeral.
Man diva: Ohmigod it’s like seven inches across the cuff!
Girl: I’m sure there’s somewhere you can still wear them?
Man diva: Yeah, if somebody has a stain party!
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Dry cleaner no good
Customer: I would like four chocolate chip, four raisin, and four cinnamon crunch bagels to go, please.
Employee: [Turns to look at bagel rack, turns back to customer.] I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t sell you those.
Customer: But you have four of each sitting right there.
Employee: [Looks back at bagel rack.] But those are the last of our special bagels, and they are reserved for our in-store customers.
Customer: But I’m in your store, and I want to buy your bagels.
Employee: But my manager said I can’t sell those to go.
Customer: So let me get this straight. You’re selling bagels, I want to buy bagels, but you won’t sell me your bagels?
Employee: Well, yes… but it’s my manager…
Customer: How bout I speak to your manager?
Employee: [Gets on phone, whispers to manager, comes back to counter.] Okay, I’ll sell you the bagels.
Customer, under breath: Holy shit.
Panera Bread
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: kim
Ghetto coworker: My son loves his car, he says he wants to get buried in it. I tell him he’s crazy, but it is a really nice car. It’s an Oldsmobuick* convertible, cocaine white…
Not-so-ghetto coworker: Cocaine white?
Ghetto coworker: Yeah, you know that really pearly white color?
Not-so-ghetto coworker, sarcastically: Does it have meth-yellow trim?
Ghetto coworker, oblivious: No, just white. But I tell him he’s crazy, it would never work. When they put in the dirt it would cave in the roof!
Modesto, California
Overheard by: That’s not my job.
Middle management moron: Ha, yes you’d look good in a nappy.
Long-suffering fellow goon: I don’t know what disturbs me more: the thought of *me* in a nappy, or the thought of *you* thinking about me in a nappy.
Osborne Park
Western Australia
Cube employee #1: Why did you do that?!?
Cube employee #2: Because you squirted my eye with bubbles of joy.
23rd Street & Park Ave
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Turns out it was just dish soap.
Older woman, observing plate of donuts near man: Oh wow, is it your birthday?
Younger man: Actually, it’s my last day today. I got another job.
Older woman: Great. Well, happy birthday!
Madison Avenue
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Chris
Female coworker, passing her piece of cake to male coworker: You better not touch my creamy bits!
Male coworker: It’s okay. I only like the bottom anyway.
Broadway, Newmarket
Auckland
New Zealand
Worker #1: I think my fish is blind.
Worker #2: Seriously?
Worker #1: Yes, he can’t find his food.
Worker #2: Maybe he’s not hungry…
Worker #3, eavesdropping: Blind fish need homes too…
Anderson Street
Loma Linda, California
