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When Alumni Giving Attacks!: Coming Soon to Fox TV

Student on phone: Sir, as a current student at XYZ College*, I know I can talk to you about all the improvements that we’ve made since you attended…. Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. No… No, I didn’t realize you hated XYZ. I will be sure to tell him that… Repeat after you? Sir, please… I promise I’ll tell him… Okay, sir, I’ll tell him that you said that everyone at this school can fuck themselves and suck your 70-year-old balls… Thank you. You have a good night, too, sir.

515 Loudon Road
Loudonville, New York

Overheard by: trying not to laugh while on the phone

So There’s Gay, Married –and Now Possibly This Third Category

Female peon #1, in reference to cute co-worker: So, what happened with that guy you gave your number to?
Female peon #2: Oh, girl, I didn’t tell you?!
Female peon #1: No, what happened?
Female peon #2: Listen to this… he never called me, right? And I really wanted to know what was up with that. So, I walked over to him the other day and said, “Hi, how’s it going?” Well, we got to talking, and he said he was sorry he never called, but that he isn’t looking for a relationship right now… because he’s trying to concentrate on his relationship with Jesus Christ!
[Female peon #1 and eavesdropping co-workers break into laughter.]Female peon #2: Can you believe that? I was rejected for Jesus!

Melbourne, Florida

Overheard by: Kitty

One Sign You’re Not Giving Your Writers Enough to Do

Writer to editor: I was having a staring contest with you a little while ago, but you weren’t paying attention so I won.

Broad Street
Augusta, Georgia

But It Was a Booby Prize in Every Way

Faculty member: Her chest looked like it was being displayed as first prize at a raffle.

Notre Dame, Indiana

Overheard by: iz

A Penetrating Glimpse Into Corporate America

(young executive is talking about a presentation (aka deck) he sent to the director)
Director: You know, it just got me so excited to see a deck like that. I'm so glad. The deck actually got me almost over-excited. Now I'm going to be playing around with this deck all night.
Exec: Uh huh.
Director: It's just so stimulating .
Exec: Uh huh.
Director: I'm just fascinated by decks like that. I feel very over-excited about it.
Exec: Uh huh.
(pause)
Director: Oh, you must be getting really overheated. I should let you go. Have a good trip. I'll be thinking about your deck until you come back.

K Street
Washington, DC

But You Might Want to Stop Nailing Each Other

CFO to staff: You are the tools who get things done…

Raleigh Road
Raleigh, North Carolina

Overheard by: tool

Why I Never Talk in Meetings.

Male voice in office: Something came up in the shower this morning. (pause) No, not that! (laughter)

Bend, Oregon

Where the Distinction Is Irrelevant

General manager to sales guy: You are such a candy-assed, chicken-shit, pansy son of a gun!
Warehouse manager to sales guy: Dude, I’ve dated girls that are more of a man than you are!
Receptionist to warehouse manager: Yeah, but you’re from Jersey.

Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Nikki

Kevin Costner Lights Up the Screen in Cubicle Farm Of Dreams

Employee, entering empty office : I hear everyone, but I can't see them.

Seattle, Washington

I Don’t Know What I Know ’til Somebody Tells Me

Girl #1: Did you finish with the Christmas card?
Girl #2: We call it holiday card now. Because everyone is not Catholic.
Girl #1: You know it’s not just Catholics that celebrate Christmas; Christians celebrate it too.
Girl #2: Oh they do? I didn’t know because I’m Catholic.

Fifth Avenue
New York City, New York

Overheard by: But Catholics ARE Christians

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