Judge: Son, there is a reason most murders take place between 10 pm and 4 am. If you do not want to *get* murdered, do not find yourself out at those times.
Detroit, Michigan
Judge: Son, there is a reason most murders take place between 10 pm and 4 am. If you do not want to *get* murdered, do not find yourself out at those times.
Detroit, Michigan
Marketer: So after sitting in her funky trailer for about 2 hours
listening to her talk about God, this lady was like, “Baby…I have been reading my Bible for 53 years…and I can tell you read your Bible, too…” So, I in my best Southern voice, said, “Yes, ma’am…I
read my Bible every day. I try to live my life according to the
Word.” But, I was just bullshitting. I’m probably going to hell. I mean she is like 90 and lives in a single-wide behind her daughter who lives in a double-wide…She can’t wipe her own ass…She’s about to die…and I am lying about reading the Bible. But we had a patient pass yesterday and we need one to take his place. Gotta keep the bodies moving…gotta get that bonus. Y’know?
1441 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina
Employee on phone: Yeah, I’m leaving early today…Because if I don’t, I’ll kill someone. No, I mean it, someone will literally die at my hands, so I figure I’m helping out the company by leaving early.
900 Commonwealth Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Salesman: Yeah, I’m fucking fed up with that guy. He hasn’t sent in his reports for weeks. Just keeps flying out to Texas. What the fuck are we paying him for, anyway?
Manager: Texas? What’s he doing in Texas?
Salesman: Oh, apparently his dad died or something.
3000 Birch
Brea, California
Grunt: The mothers, the kids, everyone — cut ’em up and shred ’em!
506 Jersey Avenue
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: in the slurbs
Beauty shop owner: I need to know what day you'll be in to clean the floors, and you'd better stick to it or I'll kill you.
Floor cleaner guy: I've got to die sometime… It might as well as be by your hands.
Conroe, Texas
Attorney to paralegal: Do you still have those creepy photos of that dead guy?
Asheville, North Carolina
Sales manager: You know, they just don't have that old-time VD anymore. Now it just kills you or, makes your dick explode.
Bonner Springs, Kansas
Crazy new guy: I was reading a book about serial killers by that guy who came up with profiling. It listed traits of a serial killer and I have five of the nine traits. No one around me had better go missing or I'm going down for it.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Thanks for the warning
Building Engineer: A freon leak won’t kill you. It’ll just asphyxiate you a little.
2100 Second Street, SW
Washington, DC
