3PM Smoke Break

Marketer: So after sitting in her funky trailer for about 2 hours
listening to her talk about God, this lady was like, “Baby…I have been reading my Bible for 53 years…and I can tell you read your Bible, too…” So, I in my best Southern voice, said, “Yes, ma’am…I
read my Bible every day. I try to live my life according to the
Word.” But, I was just bullshitting. I’m probably going to hell. I mean she is like 90 and lives in a single-wide behind her daughter who lives in a double-wide…She can’t wipe her own ass…She’s about to die…and I am lying about reading the Bible. But we had a patient pass yesterday and we need one to take his place. Gotta keep the bodies moving…gotta get that bonus. Y’know?

1441 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina

Posted on August 5, 2015
Age and ageing, Death, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, Lies, Money, Religion, Sales, South Carolina

9AM Back to Work

Employee on phone: Yeah, I’m leaving early today…Because if I don’t, I’ll kill someone. No, I mean it, someone will literally die at my hands, so I figure I’m helping out the company by leaving early.

900 Commonwealth Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts

Posted on August 2, 2015
Death, Employees, Feelings, Massachusetts, On the phone, Time Management, Violence

10AM Under Sales Goal

Salesman: Yeah, I’m fucking fed up with that guy. He hasn’t sent in his reports for weeks. Just keeps flying out to Texas. What the fuck are we paying him for, anyway?
Manager: Texas? What’s he doing in Texas?
Salesman: Oh, apparently his dad died or something.

3000 Birch
Brea, California

Posted on July 29, 2015
Bosses, California, Death, Family, General Idiocy, Geography & History, Gripes, Sales

How You Know a Colleague Is Off His Meds

Grunt: The mothers, the kids, everyone — cut ’em up and shred ’em!

506 Jersey Avenue
New Brunswick, New Jersey

Overheard by: in the slurbs

Posted on July 28, 2015
Advice, Death, Default, Employees, New Jersey, Violence

Your Beautiful, Beautiful Hands

Beauty shop owner: I need to know what day you'll be in to clean the floors, and you'd better stick to it or I'll kill you.
Floor cleaner guy: I've got to die sometime… It might as well as be by your hands.

Conroe, Texas

Posted on July 27, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, Death, Health & Hygiene, Texas, Threats, Violence

I Need Wanking Material

Attorney to paralegal: Do you still have those creepy photos of that dead guy?

Asheville, North Carolina

Posted on July 27, 2015
Death, Lawyers, North Carolina, Questions, Weirdness

And Yet We Soldier Bravely On

Sales manager: You know, they just don't have that old-time VD anymore. Now it just kills you or, makes your dick explode.

Bonner Springs, Kansas

Posted on July 26, 2015
Body Parts, Bosses, Death, Kansas, Sales, Sexuality, Violence, Weirdness

In Totally Unrelated News, Homemade Cookies Anyone?

Crazy new guy: I was reading a book about serial killers by that guy who came up with profiling. It listed traits of a serial killer and I have five of the nine traits. No one around me had better go missing or I'm going down for it.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Thanks for the warning