Female office dolt: Oh my god! I need to put my sweater away before I get fined!

Water Street
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Cubicle Gnome

Woman in cubicle on call with overseas agent: Oh, hello… were you in Slumdog Millionaire?
Confused customer service agent: What?


Overheard by: poking my eyes out with my pen

Office girl #1: Anyway, that's how this giant hoo-hah got started in the first place.
(snickering comes from nearby cubicles)
Office girl #1: What? Did I use the wrong word?
Office girl #2: Well, that depends on what you're talking about.
Boss man: I think you mean 'hoopla,” but you basically just said “giant vagina.”

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: freudianflip

Cubicle mate on phone: Yeah, that’s so me. Wait, now what is this called? Well I’d rather be a dog walker than a porn star!

Topeka, Kansas

Purchasing manager: Can I borrow a pencil?
Receptionist: No. If you don’t come prepared, I ain’t helping you.

Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Nikki

Girl #1: Well, you know I like to get kinky.
Girl #2: Oh, I know.
Girl #1: I’ve never had a threesome, but I would do it. I have ground rules, of course, but I’d totally be down for a menagerie.

Andover Park West
Tukwila, Washington

Overheard by: Cat

Guy in next cube: I told her that if she came at me like that again, I'd cut her tits off… Yeah, I seriously told her that…well, I was drinking heavily.

Warren, Michigan

Overheard by: Scared for my tits

Sales guy: Oh, crap! I left the cap off my Sharpie last night! [Tries it on paper] Oh, no! What can I do?!
Cube rat #1: Well, you could try running a little water over the tip. Or, um, you could just throw it away and get a new one.
Sales guy: Put some water on it? Would that work?
Cube rat #2: Is it a Sharpie or a marker?
Cube rat #3: If putting water on it doesn’t work, try licking it.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Coworker leaning on office door: Hey, have you seen John*?

Horse puppet appears peeking from under John’s desk.

Horse puppet: John’s not here right now. Can I take a message?
Coworker, slowly backing out of office: Uh…

8700 NW River Park Drive
Parkville, Missouri

Overheard by: Hapless intern

Assistant: I became a secretary because I relate well to paper.

Goldsboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Wow