Co-worker: If I killed someone, he would totally lie to the police for me. Either he would be my alibi or he would lie and say he did it so I could be free.
225 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Am I Next
Co-worker: If I killed someone, he would totally lie to the police for me. Either he would be my alibi or he would lie and say he did it so I could be free.
225 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Am I Next
Ghetto girl on cell: Whitey snuck into my apartment and set my alarm clock off by 12 hours! I ain’t never snuck into no white person’s house and put poison in they’re food! But Whitey’s oppressin’ me. Whitey snuck into my apartment while I was in the shower and stole my underwear! While I was in the shower!
545 Bus
Outside Seattle, Washington
Crazy coworker, nonchalantly: I knew a guy who killed his girlfriend. Stuffed her in the wall…
Government Office
Washington, DC
Office grunt: Sometimes you get a hole in your bag and you lose your chicken.
10877 Watson Road
St. Louis, Missouri
Sales lady: Hello.
Crazy lady: Don’t you talk to me! You don’t know me! We don’t know each other! You have no right to talk to me!
Rochester, Minnesota
Overheard by: Katie
Woman: I wanted to find out the status of the investigation on my stolen bike. It happened three weeks ago, and I haven’t heard back.
Cop: Well, ma’am, we’ve been busy with the orange alert.
Woman: I’m sorry — orange alert?
Cop: Ma’am, we’re in a war.
Woman: A war?!
Cop: The war with Iraq?
Woman: … You mean the fucking Iraqis stole my bike?!
Washington, DC
Older black lady, at a young couple kissing and groping in a line of people waiting to pay their power bills: What the hell is wrong with these peoples? Jesus needs to come down and knock some damn sense into their stupid motherfucking ass.
Nevada Power Company
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Annmarie
Lady: You think wearing the skin of a dead cow is cool or something? You’re promoting murder by wearing that.
Leather jacket guy: I don’t wear this because I like leather. I wear this because I hate cows. My father was gored to death by a bull. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to Burger King.
Blockbuster Video, 14936 North Florida Avenue
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Jonathon Flachlinie
Secretary : The guys who clean my yard never take any off my plants, because I threaten them, I say ‘If you touch anything, I’ll kill you!’ And they never touch anything since then. Because they’re Haitians, and you know, Haitians scare easy.
1252 Memorial Drive
Coral Gables, Florida
Boss: Those are pretty. Who are they from?
Secretary: Myself. Sorry men send flowers. I don’t need any sorry men in my life.
8555 United Plaza Boulevard
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
