50-year-old woman cashier to customer: … And then I had to chase them with my pants down, and I hadn’t even gotten the chance to wipe yet!
17111 Haggerty Road
Northville, Michigan
50-year-old woman cashier to customer: … And then I had to chase them with my pants down, and I hadn’t even gotten the chance to wipe yet!
17111 Haggerty Road
Northville, Michigan
Cubicle dweller: It's better in my head because I'm picturing the elephants.
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Jeremy
Guy: This is about the time where I start feeling… not right. Like there’s something flowing through my body other than blood.
Washington Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Woman on phone: I was supposed to make the business card English on one side and Japanese on the other, and I put Chinese…and I apologize for it, it was dishonest of me…I didn’t think anyone would notice…but I’m a Christian person and I don’t want to die and go to hell, I’d rather apologize and make it right and go to heaven…I know it’s a little thing but I’m a Christian…
2301 South Third Street
Louisville, Kentucky
Counter girl: Did I tell you I almost got locked up last night?
Male customer: Fo’ what?
Counter girl: I took my homegirl’s car and rode over to my baby daddy’s momma house. Po-lice got me going through a light. I was like, “Shit, man, I got weed and a rock in my joint, and my shit’s suspended, yo.”
Male customer: That’s some Cops shit, girl!
Girl: Fo’ reals…But I worked my way out with a warning, got my baby, went home, and smoked that shit.
11th Street & F Street
Washington, DC
Overheard by: suddenly not hungry
Cube monkey: My brain is unlike that of any mortal! It consists of witchcraft, spells, and ideas for pastries that the world has yet to see!
1750 East Golf Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Emily
Salesman: It’s this whole ‘No Child Left Behind, let’s get all the kids to graduate college’ bullshit. If everybody goes to college, who’s gonna do the work? Huh? Who’s gonna dig the ditches? Who’s gonna pick up the trash? We don’t need that. We need kids to drop out of school and do the work.
Birch Street
Brea, California
Patient: What day is today?
Staff: Today is Thursday.
Patient: Hmmm… Is it last Thursday?
Staff: No, it’s this Thursday.
Patient: Oh.
Psychiatric hospital
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Another staff member
Female clerk: Did you eat yet?
Male clerk: Yeah, I’ve been here since 1:30.
Female clerk: Ooh! Then can I lint-brush you?
Convenience Store
Brighton, Massachusetts
