Executive #1: You go first.
Executive #2: Why?
Executive #1: I always go first…I don’t know what your problem is.
Executive #2: I don’t have a problem; why can’t you just go up the stairs first?
137 Ocean Avenue
Lakewood, New Jersey
Executive #1: You go first.
Executive #2: Why?
Executive #1: I always go first…I don’t know what your problem is.
Executive #2: I don’t have a problem; why can’t you just go up the stairs first?
137 Ocean Avenue
Lakewood, New Jersey
Patient: Stop raping me!
Nurse #1: Did I just hear that?
Nurse #2: She has been yelling it all day.
Randolph Road
Plainfield, New Jersey
Crazy dog lady: Ajax was running around in the shower this morning and chasing the water. It was so cute!
Coworker: He was in the shower with you?
Crazy dog lady: Yes. He needs to get clean. He has a white coat and he gets so dirty.
Coworker: You took a shower with your dog? Were you naked? Ewww…
Crazy dog lady: What? He was dirty!
Fort Worth, Texas
Crackhead: I know you… you are that guy from TV.
Ryan Seacrest: Yeah… it’s me
Crackhead: You’re that guy from Fear Factor.
Ryan Seacrest: No… I’m on that other show, American Idol… You might have heard of it?
Crackhead: Look at me… I ain’t got no TV.
6th Street
Austin, Texas
Crazy IT girl: Do you have a knife? If anybody in here had a knife, it would be you.
Crazy IT guy: Serrated or flat?
Merrimack, New Hampshire
Frustrated employee: I’m gonna build a robot named Microchip, and it’s going to look like a microchip and it’s going to kill people.
1025 Eldorado Boulevard
Broomfield, Colorado
Overheard by: D
50-year-old woman cashier to customer: … And then I had to chase them with my pants down, and I hadn’t even gotten the chance to wipe yet!
17111 Haggerty Road
Northville, Michigan
Cubicle dweller: It's better in my head because I'm picturing the elephants.
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Jeremy
Guy: This is about the time where I start feeling… not right. Like there’s something flowing through my body other than blood.
Washington Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Woman on phone: I was supposed to make the business card English on one side and Japanese on the other, and I put Chinese…and I apologize for it, it was dishonest of me…I didn’t think anyone would notice…but I’m a Christian person and I don’t want to die and go to hell, I’d rather apologize and make it right and go to heaven…I know it’s a little thing but I’m a Christian…
2301 South Third Street
Louisville, Kentucky
