Office guy: As I told him, it’s not the speed of the train that matters when a train hits you, it’s the force. They tried to do CPR and their hands just disappeared into his chest…
515 7th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Rosskel
Office guy: As I told him, it’s not the speed of the train that matters when a train hits you, it’s the force. They tried to do CPR and their hands just disappeared into his chest…
515 7th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Rosskel
Coworker on phone: Well, this dinosaur works better than your new Mercedes!
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Co-worker #1: Can you make those changes I requested?
Co-worker #2: Did you ever email me the information?
Co-worker #1: No. I’ll have it to you in 10 minutes.
Co-worker #2: Sorry, party starts in 4 minutes.
1932 Highland Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio
Nurse: Yeah, and she came in with a bandanna rotting inside her. Her brilliant boyfriend used it as a condom.
Girl #1: Dude! Sperm will soak right through that shit! He should have used a plastic bag or something. Maybe some Saran Wrap and a rubber band.
Girl #2: Seriously! What if she got pregnant?
Girl #1: The baby will come out with a doo-rag on its head, saying, ‘Whassup, Moms?!’
Saratoga & Kiely
Overheard by: People are sick
Underling to another: As someone who owns not one but two pairs of Dale Earnhardt pajama pants, I am in no position to criticize you for growing up in a trailer park.
Washington, DC
Office peon on phone: Just an FYI — Sarge plays with the vibrating Hello Kitty all the time.
Newark, Delaware
Coworker #1: What are you doing this weekend?
Coworker #2: Maybe a movie.
Coworker #3: Man, it’s a lot harder to have sex downtown than I thought it would be.
Coworkers #1 and #2: [stunned silence].
Vernon Hills, Illinois
Overheard by: This Guy
Co-worker #1: What’s been up?
Co-worker #2: Yeah.
Co-worker #1: You have no idea what I’ve just said.
Co-worker #2: Is that right?
Co-worker #1: Never mind.
10 Mackay Drive
Fredericton, New Brunswick
Canadia
Quality assurance employee: Well, I gotta go test some stuff.
Developer: Okay, hope your eye doesn't explode!
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: durp
Exasperated meeting contact: I think the temp I hired is mildly retarded, so I’m going to need your help with this.
Concierge: My mother drank and smoked while pregnant with me.
Penn and Liberty Avenues
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
