HR guy: So, I told him, “I am sorry that this incident ruined your Christmas.” And he told me “you are not sorry!” So I tell him “at least I'm pretending to be sorry.”
Manhattan, New York
HR guy: So, I told him, “I am sorry that this incident ruined your Christmas.” And he told me “you are not sorry!” So I tell him “at least I'm pretending to be sorry.”
Manhattan, New York
Coworker #1: Are the lights in the office flickering?
Coworker #2: No, you're just having a stroke.
Chicago, Illinois
Coworker: You are very bright today.
QC guy in yellow shirt: Oh, why thank you.
Coworker, walking away: And I don’t mean that in the mental sense.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
CEO to board: This is too complicated for you. The lawyer and myself are like eagles flying high above you. You wouldn’t understand.
Board member: Yes, but remember — we can shoot you down.
4000 Old Seward Highway
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: Ataqun
(coworker #1 launches stress ball at coworker #2)
Coworker #2: Good thing you throw like a girl.
Coworker #1: Ya know, you're like the opposite of United Way: you bring out the worst in me.
Coworker #1: I'm pretty sure that's not their motto.
Coworker #2: I'm pretty sure you're still fucking annoying. (waits a moment) Yep.
East Midtown
New York City, New York
Overheard by: The Temp
Receptionist: You should use tap water instead of Poland Spring to make coffee.
Secretary: You make coffee your way, and we’ll make it our way.
Receptionist: How much do each of those jugs cost?
Secretary: What? Look, just…The water is brown and it smells bad.
Receptionist: The water is not brown and it does not smell bad.
Secretary: Well, you’re entitled to your opinion.
Receptionist: Since when is a known fact an opinion?
113 University Place
New York, NY
Employee: Welcome back. Are you feeling better?
Supervisor: Well, I am fully clothed.
1930 Bishop Lane
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Eve’s Dropper
Office woman to male manager with aluminum water bottle: Wow, look at you! Going green! Nice!
Manager: If a man really wants to go green, he'll kill himself and let himself be used as fertilizer.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Intern
Person #1: I just read that there has been a 104% increase in the numbers of lost or stolen cows recovered in Texas and Oklahoma.
Person #2: So they found 4 more cows than were actually lost?
650 California Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Gilligan
Co-worker #1: I have to crawl under this desk so much my knees hurt.
Co-worker #2: Oh, so that’s why you got promoted.
2105 Bancroft Way
Berkeley, California
