Boss: So, where did Mike* go?
Underling: He had to go home. Some pet emergency. He said there’s an unidentified liquid coming out of his cat’s ass.
Boss: Well, that’s an excuse I’ve never heard before…
Cypress Street
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: I didn’t need to know that
Editor-in-chief: So I can’t say “pubic” on one of our editorials?
Opinion editor: No.
Editor-in-chief: And you won’t let me say “Anal osculation?”
Opinion editor: No!
E Pratt St
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Working at
Prospective intern #1: So, how was it?
Prospective intern #2: Dude, he mentioned EBTIDA so many times that I got a boner.
Broad Street
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Lloyd Blankfein
Man: Is Murphy* a man? Or a woman?
Woman: Does it matter?
Man: Um yeah. I was going to ask Terry out, and the shape of his? Her? Genitals rather matters to me.
Woman: Bigot.
Church in Victoria
British Columbia
Canadia
Frustrated supervisor: Yeah, I’m down with all this safety crap, but you know? Sometimes I wish I had a job where I could potentially cut my hand off.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Mr. Safety
Assistant eating sub sandwich: Man, I’m full already.
Hoochie coworker: You just consumed less than four inches of that thing. Heck, I usually stuff at least a 12-inch down my throat…
Assistant: Uh, yeah, I’m definitely done now…
California
Overheard by: californiatrinity
Therapist #1: Oh my god! Look at Britney Spears!
Therapist #2: I bet her poontang stinks.
California
Overheard by: Britney’s Got Issues
Cubicle chick: Are your boobs real?
2710 Marvin Road
Olympia, Washington
Nerdy worker: Well, unfortunately she had rubbed her butt across the floor. Man, it smelled so bad.
Coworker: Oh my god!
Nerdy worker: Yeah, we used some Febreze on it, so it was a little better yesterday.
Highway 280
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Glad I don’t work for Stanley Steamer
Boss: Brandon*, no matter what you think, those pills will not make you grow three inches. Get back to work.
55th Street and 3rd Avenue
New York, New York
