IT drone to coworker: They're being invaded by blackberries, papayas and pygmy goats.
Coworker: Wow, that's rough. I've heard that that's a problem.
IT drone: Yeah, the goats especially.
Austin, Texas
IT drone to coworker: They're being invaded by blackberries, papayas and pygmy goats.
Coworker: Wow, that's rough. I've heard that that's a problem.
IT drone: Yeah, the goats especially.
Austin, Texas
Obnoxious 20-something IT guy to another: Oh, look, here's another set with cats as the background, aren't they just adorable?
Middle-aged librarian lady, overhearing: Da Vinci drew those cats. (pause) And they'll rip your fucking head off.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: marion the other librarian
Asian guy: Hey, look! A butterfly!
White guy: Why don’t you go catch it? That’s what Asians do.
Asian guy: No, we catch flies.
White guy: With fucking chopsticks?
Asian guy: Yeah, but if you give me two cigarettes I could probably use those.
Parkland Avenue
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Gloria
Lady in break room: I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamed I had gone out to my backyard, dug up my dog and took off its head and put it on my mantle.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Rob
Little boss to big boss who was late meeting his wife for dinner: Shut it down, boss, or I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig!
Washington, DC
Guy: Humans are the only mammals that rape face-to-face.
Girl #1: What about dolphins?
Girl #2: But sharks don’t. Sharks dance.
Guy: Sharks aren’t mammals.
Girl #2: Oh yeah, you said mammals. But penguins don’t.
Guy: Penguins aren’t mammals either.
Tucson, Arizona
Boss from other room: The most expensive coffee in the world, and…
Database monkey, yelling: Is that the kind that's shat out by monkeys?
Boss: No, leopards!
Austin, Texas
Office drone who brought dog to work: Oh, there you go again! Nosing into my drawers. You know there's a treat in there for you. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Yes, you are! You are! Go ahead, just push your nose way in there and find that treat. I just love it when you visit at the office with us!
Louisville, Kentucky
