Admins

Co-worker or Quote Machine?

Admin: I’ve always wondered what the metric system was.

Admin: I’m going to go home before I have a massive exploding in my head or something of that nature.

Admin: I’m just going to cut out my bladder. ’cause I’m getting really tired of having to go to the bathroom.

Admin: The mail leaves our office from our office at five o’clock and from there it goes to the post office. Then it goes to the post office in california before it gets to your guyses mailbox. So I wanna say that possibly it should probably get there today, I wanna hope so.

121 SW Salmon Street
Portland, Oregon

Peter Prison-Shower Always Gets His Way

Developer on phone with admin: Yeah, just add it to the list. The account name is 'consumer', password 'buttfucker'. Thanks.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Mr. the Snake

Only If I Can Take Photos

Office worker to secretary, in raspy voice: I need something to suck on, my throat is killing me.

Reston, Virginia

Overheard by: Geoff

2PM Call Tech Support

Admin: So at home I have the CD writer installed but it’s just not working–
IT guy: Okay, you’re all fixed up…and good luck with your burning problem.

238 Bedford Street
Lexington, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sandy

2PM Order “Alligator Ointment”?

Partner: I have alligators snapping at my ass.
Admin: That could chafe, so you may want to get an ointment for that.

2100 16th Avenue South
Birmingham, Alabama

'Cause Home Is Where the Pancreas Is

Drug rep: All the regulations in this industry just keep getting more strict all the time. I set up a meeting the other day with one of our medical reps and a doctor I know and I couldn't say a word the entire time except to introduce them. I was like a mouse on the floor.
Admin (laughing hysterically): Do you mean “a fly on the wall”?
Drug rep (embarrassed): Give me a break. It's Friday morning and I'm wearing a suit for a meeting that was canceled and nobody told me. I'm going home!

Arlington, Texas

Overheard by: Genyis

You Should Have Had a Few Spares

Administrator on phone: Yeah, my cat passed away last Sunday. I put him in a paper bag and put it out on the curb for… for trash pick-up… What else could I do? Can’t put him in the back yard. Yeah, I gotta get a new place. I can’t stand the mice anymore.

Department of Education, 65 Court Street
Brooklyn, New York

Overheard by: Emma

This Mid-Life Crisis Is Coming Together Nicely

CEO: I hit a garbage truck this morning!
Admin: What?
CEO: I hit a garbage truck this morning! Broadsided it! Never even saw it!
Admin: You didn’t see a garbage truck?
CEO: I know! I was doing like 40 miles an hour! And my kid was in the car!

1190 Del Rio Place
Ontario, Canada

Overheard by: Never riding with the boss

It'd Be Such a Relief to Unveil My Contempt

Program manager: What about follow-on funding?
Scientist: Well, in my ideal world, we'd get the follow-on, and then I wouldn't have to do anything but sit in team meetings and spew hatred.

Ypsilanti, Michigan

The Sweet Taste of Fools Getting Their Comeuppance

VP Fundraising: Mmm the aqueous coating on this brochure smells delicious.
Publication Manager: That’s the residue from my Krispy Kreme.

2300 4th Ave.
Rock Island, Illinois

Overheard by: Holly Sparkman

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