Military contractor: Well, on one hand he said I was one of the most efficient people he’s ever worked with. On the other hand, I almost got a lieutenant kicked out under ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.’

Eglin Air Force Base

Admin: We’re going to miss you around here.
Employee: Well, I’d like to say that I’ll miss being around here, but that would be untrue, so I’m not going to say it.

6111 Oak Tree Boulevard
Independence, Ohio

Network admin: Yeah, I saw Aladdin in the theater.
Help desk supervisor: That’s because you’re a faggot.
Network admin: No, it’s because I have kids.
Help desk supervisor: Well, your kids are faggots, too.

Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Frank

Coworker to office administrator: Why did you send me this e-mail twice?
Office admin: Because they sent it to me twice.
Coworker: So why did you send it to me twice?
Office admin: Because I thought it would only take you five seconds to delete.
Coworker: Didn't you look at it before you sent it to me?
Office admin: Yes… but I didn't send you the pornographic e-mail that came in before that one!


CEO: So, how long will it take you to set that up?
System admin: Um…two minutes?
CEO: Five. You've got five. See, I doubled-and-a-halved it for you!
System admin, developer, designer: What?

State & Water
Peoria, Illinois

Overheard by: only girl in an office of men…

Office drone #1: Did you see how Anderson completely took over the meeting? It was like a crudités.
Office drone #2: Wait… it was like celery sticks??
Office drone #3: I think he means a “coup d'état”

Sacramento, California

Overheard by: Drunk Drama Queen

Boss to secretary: How do you know farm animals don't understand daylight savings time?

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: CrazyCurator

50-something admin: There were a whole bunch of plates here.
Everyone else in kitchen: (several seconds of silence)
50-something admin, loudly: Yesterday, there were a whole bunch of plates here.
Everyone else in kitchen: (more silence)
50-something admin, quietly: There were a whole bunch of plates.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: durp

Outgoing office assistant helping new one fill out HR paperwork: Wow! You look so different in your driver's license picture.
New assistant: Yeah, I was so much skinnier and my hair was so much better.
Outgoing office assistant: How is your hair different now?
New assistant: Well, you know when you're having a bunch of sex, your hair changes?

Nashville, Tennessee

(crunching water bottle noise)
Girl admin, in sassy tone: Hey! Those are the breast cancer water bottles–show some respect!
IT guy: Yeah–that's why I'm…
Girl admin: Squishing it?!
IT guy: You said it! Not me!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: That's what she said