New guy: You tend to put a lot of extraneous information in your reports.
Lifer: “Extraneous”? There's one I don't hear often. I generally get “terse.”
New guy: Oh, I just think “extraneous” is a better adjective.
Lifer: They are opposites!
Irvine, California
Overheard by: never a dull moment
Boss: You told me that before.
Office worker: How do you know?
Boss: I have a photogenic memory.
2 Walters Lane
Point Pleasant, Pennsylvania
Co-worker #1: I’ve got a great idea for our new slogan: “Ask me how to get trim!”
Co-worker #2: Uh…I am just going to say that I am not comfortable with that.
4849 South Austin Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Woman carrying heavy files: I need to go down to the branch and drop this off.
Man: Hello–I can help you carry that.
Woman: Aww! You had me at “hello”!
Man: You had me at “go down”!
Melville, New York
Tech on phone: Please click start, type “cmd” and press enter. (pause) It should have brought up a command prompt. (pause) Nothing yet? Hmmm. Let me remote in. (starts laughing uncontrollably) Sir, you have to type “cmd” and press the enter key. Typing “cmdandpressenter” will not work. Sorry I wasn't more clear.
Dodge St
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: northern lad
Operator setting up auto claim with customer on phone: Sir, I'm so sorry your car got stolen today. At least you babies and CDs are fine. I think you need to git you some whiskey to calm you down. Or just do what I do to calm myself down, cheer! “Who dat! Who dat! Who dat! Yayayayayaya! Who dat!”
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Wish I had my MP3 player today
Male associate: Hey Sean, it’s not working [holds a squeeze bottle of flesh colored sauce in front of himself.] I can’t get it to come!
Sean, slowly: Put the bottle down.
Female associate: You freak. There’s customers here!
Center Ridge Road
Rocky River, Ohio
Overheard by: silent one
Funeral director: So, you know all the procedures now, right?
Secretary: Yes, I believe so, I just never had to go get the organ out for a service.
Funeral director: Well, you know where it’s at, right?
Secretary: Yeah, so you just go in the back and pull it out and stick it in there, right?
2157 Oak Street
Wyandotte, Michigan
Project manager: People think I’m a liberal because I’m always going down on George Bush.
Detroit, Michigan
