Physical therapist: Where did you get the cake?
Teacher: BJ's.
Physical therapist: Oh! I love BJ's!
Manhattan, New York
Copy editor, muttering to herself: Party foul, for dubious misuse of the verb “finger.” (pause) Contractions are your friends! Will everyone stop being so damn British?!
Dundee
Scotland
Overheard by: musingvenus
Cube dweller #1, on phone: “Yes, “h” as in “Hitler.”
Cube dweller #2: Wow… Did he really just say that?
Kansas City, Missouri
Manager #1, waiting for elevator: He said it was intermittent.
Manager #2: He said it was what?
Manager #1: You know, like in her mittens.
Manager #2: Oh, in her mittens.
Manager #1: Yeah, mittens. (makes lobster claw motions with hand)
Manager #2: I never understand a word that comes out of his mouth.
Middleton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: The Receptionist
Worker #1: My roommate has this book about all the kinds of poops you can have and what it means about your health.
Worker #2: Kinds of poops?
Worker #1: Yeah, like floaters, sinkers, clean poop…
Worker #2: Clean poop?!
Worker #1: The kind that slides right out and leaves your butt clean.
Worker #2: That should be called “perfect poop”.
Loyola Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Probationee: You’re a good listener. You really listen when I talk to you. You’re like a pedophile.
Probation officer: A what?
Probationee: A pedophile, you know. Someone who is a good listener.
Lancaster County Offices
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Senior programmer to slightly-less senior programmer: The thing is: every time we don't pay attention to you, you're right.
Berkeley, California
Worker #1: Did you hear me? I just said I hit my knee on the window.
Worker #2: But there are no windows in your cubicle.
Worker #1: I know, I meant chair.
Worker #2: Hey [worker #3], did you hear [worker #1]? She said window but meant chair.
Worker #1: I also meant arm not knee.
Worker #2: Wait, so when you said, “I hit my knee on the window,” you really meant,”I hit my arm on the chair?”
Worker #1: Yeah.
Worker #2: You’re beautiful.
Rt 31, Illinois
Englishman: Can I have a tablespoon, please?
Puzzled waitress: Is that a spoon?
University and 30th Street
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Zombie
Woman #1: Large men have dick dos. You want to know what large women have?
Woman #2: I don’t know, what?
Woman #1: Gunts.
1695 E. Ave
Buffalo, New York
