Manager: So Mike* is leaving.
Office peon #1: Will anyone notice? What does he do, anyway?
Office peon #2: He's a fluffer.
Office peon #1: What?!
Office peon #2: What? He, y'know, fluffs out his job so it looks like he's doing more than he is.
Manager to office peon #1: After the meeting, you explain.
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: EarleyDaysYet
Cube rat #1: My mouse is being such a pain lately.
Cube rat #2: You should get one of those mouses that, y’know, doesn’t have a cord. Oh, man, what are those called, again?
Cube rat #1: Um, a cordless mouse?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: I work with monkeys
Co-worker on phone: When you get out of the subway station start walking North–
Manager: Don’t tell them that…your North is different from my North and it’s a tarantula downpour outside. You don’t want them walking the wrong way in the rain.
Co-worker: Everyone’s North is the same and it’s torrential downpour.
Manager: Everyone’s North is the same? I always get my Norths mixed up.
535 8th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Angie Rowe
Head chef: You know what a cabbage is!
Other chef: (blank look)
Restaurant
Regional Queensland
Australia
Visiting sales rep: Wow, that aquarium is really cool! Is it a lot of work?
Desk owner: Thanks. It’s not too hard once it’s set up for a while.
Visiting sales rep: I’ve never seen one with all those things with testicles in it before.
Desk owner: [Silence until sales rep obliviously boards elevator.]
75 Battery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: We didn’t buy her product.
Writer: ‘Portly’ sounds cute. Sounds like a nice, bald, fat man in a three-piece suit.
Designer: ‘Portly’ sounds like someone with grease stains on their shirt from dropping a piece of chicken.
Writer: That’s not ‘portly!’ That’s obese!
Designer: What’s the difference?
Writer: Obese is like those Subway ads before Jared lost his weight. When he was all wild-eyed and savage. Clothes all stretched out, nothing laundered, brimming with Big Macs and Crisco sandwhiches.
Designer: They should outlaw Crisco. Just straight out make it a crime.
Writer: Yeah.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Project manager: I mean, it’s really not even a bender unless it’s affecting your performance at work, now is it?
1620 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Liaison: I need you to look at this with your anal eye.
12447 SW 69th Avenue
Portland, Oregon
Event planner: Don't you think we should have background music?
Manager: That would be too expensive.
Event planner: What about just one person playing a harp?
Manager: Do you know someone?
Event planner: Yeah. I know a harpoonist.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Tim
