Coworker #1: You wouldn't believe who just called me. Juan*. I haven't heard from him in six months, and now all of a sudden he thinks I'm going to talk to him again?
Coworker #2, jokingly: Well, maybe he just wants to be good friends.
Coworker #1: You know what? He can just go and be good friends with his horse!
Melbourne, Florida
Eager coworker: I took a candy bar from you yesterday, but I didn’t have a dollar. And I want to take one again today.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Male office manager: Go into the gent's toilets and see what type of hand towels they use.
Female PA: I don't want people thinking I'm a pervert!
Male office manager: You may be a pervert, but you're a genius at connecting conference calls… Your job is safe.
Female PA: But I'm not a pervert!
Newcastle
England
Overheard by: …she is a bit of a pervert!
Supervisor #1: Hey, want to go to a party? John Phillips* invited me to some KU thing.
Supervisor #2: Who's John Phillips?
Supervisor #1: He's an asshole.
Overland Park, Kansas
Jr. Developer: What we need is an alien invasion.
Deveveloper #11: We have one. Mexicans.
Jr. Developer: [sigh] What we need is an extraterrestrial alien invasion.
Developer #2: Boy, you sure have it out for the aliens.
Developer #1: I can’t help it. I’m a xenophobe.
Jr. Developer: The whole world is xenophobic. We need the extraterrestrial invasion in order to unite the globe and to make us stop fighting amongst ourselves.
Developer #1: Until after they left.
Jr. Developer: No, because they came from space, there could always be more of them. As paranoid humans, we have to hunt them down and exterminate them all in order to protect ourselves.
Pause
Jr. Developer: Besides, they might have oil.
501 Corporate Centre Drive
Franklin, Tennessee
Overheard by: Brian
Female HR, about absent coworker: I hope she's just an asshole and not dead.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Justa Temp
Female employee #1: I wish murder was legal. There is one rotten person I would definitely out for this world.
Female employee #2: Just one?
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: I feel the same…
Angry coworker: Damn! The bossman makes me so mad, I gotta go home and shoot some heroin!
Burbank, California
Overheard by: hooya
Deli worker #1: You need to be thinking about what you want to do with your life.
Deli worker #2: I want to serve people meat. Is there anything wrong with that?
Shreveport, Louisiana
