Dog owner: I used to have a Rottweiler too, but he died. They don't have very long lifespans.
Coworker: That's because they are fueled by liquid hate and the fingers of small children.
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Dog owner: I used to have a Rottweiler too, but he died. They don't have very long lifespans.
Coworker: That's because they are fueled by liquid hate and the fingers of small children.
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Coworker, about military uniforms: When you look at young sailors, you can tell the ones who polish and the ones who don't.
Madison, Wisconsin
Cubicle drone on phone: So not only is it wild, but it's attached itself to you?
Plains, Pennsylvania
Insurance department boss: A death claim is better than a long-term injury.
Merchant Street
Honolulu, Hawaii
Very calm guy in kitchen: And then, after that, I became a waterspout.
Toledo, Ohio
Desk rat: Oh… We’re out of coffee. (pause) I would rather kill everyone in this building than make a new batch.
(everyone turns to stare)
Desk rat: What? I didn’t say anything that you weren’t all thinking.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
Office assistant: I can take 'em in my mouth all day long, but not in my body.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Drafting dork: Hey, do you have any binder clips?
Female coworker: Why?
Drafting dork: I want to clip them to my nipples.
Boca Raton, Florida
Overheard by: I'mNotHazel
