Female coworker: Freeze gopher! Let's get a move on…
Male coworker: Pardon?
Female coworker: You're walking extremely slowly, and I'm stuck walking behind you. If I had a gun I'd have shot you by now.
Calgary
Canadia
Female coworker: Freeze gopher! Let's get a move on…
Male coworker: Pardon?
Female coworker: You're walking extremely slowly, and I'm stuck walking behind you. If I had a gun I'd have shot you by now.
Calgary
Canadia
Coworker: He hit a Shetland pony in the head with a fence post.
Titusvlle, Florida
Overheard by: Hoss
Bookseller: I cleaned up all the damn puppets. All of them! Then, watched as a father allowed his children to throw all of them on the floor, play for an hour, then leave them. He grinned at me, said ‘Kids, right?’, then left. It took all I had not to tear that grin off his face, and shove it so far up his fucking ass that I could then reattach it backwards…Wow, four hours really is too long to go without a cigarette!
Cashier: That was the best image I’ve had all day. Go smoke so that I can savor it alone.
430 W Vine Street
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: Laughing coworker
Co-worker #1: Why do you keep breaking your pens? That’s company property.
Co-worker #2: I break things so I don’t have to kill again.
120 East Shore Drive
Glen Allen, Virginia
Overheard by: Chris
Lawyer: Did you know there was a gun in the house?
Defendant: No.
Lawyer: Did you hold the gun at any point?
Defendant: No.
Lawyer: Did you threaten anyone with the gun?
Defendant: I don’t remember.
Courthouse
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: not a juror
Payroll clerk to another: So, whenever anyone says ‘payroll,’ I stab someone and piss myself!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Goin’ Payroll
Supervisor: We have a call-out
Boss: Why’s he calling out?
Supervisor: Says his house caught fire.
Boss: Bullshit! Tell him we want a pic of him fighting the fucking fire! Then we’ll authorize the call-out!
731 Lexington Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: RedManInc
College student: So, if you stab someone and then stand there and watch them bleed to death, are you killing them or letting them die?
Logic professor: Well, I guess you would accomplish both.
Middle Tennessee State University
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
CEO: I hit a garbage truck this morning!
Admin: What?
CEO: I hit a garbage truck this morning! Broadsided it! Never even saw it!
Admin: You didn’t see a garbage truck?
CEO: I know! I was doing like 40 miles an hour! And my kid was in the car!
1190 Del Rio Place
Ontario, Canada
Overheard by: Never riding with the boss
