Career Tip: Don't Call in Sick in the Middle Of a Crisis, Dear Reader

Exasperated boss on phone: Well that's great, Jake. Maybe I should go downstairs and slam my head in the car door a few times.

Huntington, New York

Overheard by: Lady Lawyer

Posted on March 30, 2015
Anger management, Bosses, New York, On the phone, Violence

When Dominatrixes Moonlight.

Female coworker: Freeze gopher! Let's get a move on…
Male coworker: Pardon?
Female coworker: You're walking extremely slowly, and I'm stuck walking behind you. If I had a gun I'd have shot you by now.

Calgary
Canadia

Posted on March 28, 2015
Canadia, Coworkers, Crimes, Death, Threats, Violence

…And Pronounced Us Husband and Wife.

Coworker: He hit a Shetland pony in the head with a fence post.

Titusvlle, Florida

Overheard by: Hoss

Posted on March 27, 2015
Animals, Coworkers, Florida, Violence

…I Have a T-Shirt That Says “Beer Is Food”

Coworker: Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying I'm a rapist, but…

Bloomington, Illinois

Overheard by: Watching her back on the way to her car

Posted on March 26, 2015
Coworkers, Illinois, Sexuality, Violence, Weirdness

11AM Smoke Break

Bookseller: I cleaned up all the damn puppets. All of them! Then, watched as a father allowed his children to throw all of them on the floor, play for an hour, then leave them. He grinned at me, said ‘Kids, right?’, then left. It took all I had not to tear that grin off his face, and shove it so far up his fucking ass that I could then reattach it backwards…Wow, four hours really is too long to go without a cigarette!
Cashier: That was the best image I’ve had all day. Go smoke so that I can savor it alone.

430 W Vine Street
Lexington, Kentucky

Overheard by: Laughing coworker

Posted on March 24, 2015
Advice, Employees, Gripes, Kentucky, Retail, Sales, Substance Use & Abuse, Violence

12PM Order Pens

Co-worker #1: Why do you keep breaking your pens? That’s company property.
Co-worker #2: I break things so I don’t have to kill again.

120 East Shore Drive
Glen Allen, Virginia

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on March 22, 2015
Coworkers, Crazies, General Idiocy, Violence, Virginia

Thankfully, Larry Would Learn How to Be a Better Criminal in Jail

Lawyer: Did you know there was a gun in the house?
Defendant: No.
Lawyer: Did you hold the gun at any point?
Defendant: No.
Lawyer: Did you threaten anyone with the gun?
Defendant: I don’t remember.

Courthouse
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: not a juror

Posted on March 20, 2015
Arizona, Crimes, Default, General Idiocy, Lawyers, Legal, Questions, The Guilty, Violence

Stupid Hypnotist

Payroll clerk to another: So, whenever anyone says ‘payroll,’ I stab someone and piss myself!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Goin’ Payroll

Posted on March 17, 2015
Dumb Employees, Violence, Washington

9AM Back to Work

Supervisor: We have a call-out
Boss: Why’s he calling out?
Supervisor: Says his house caught fire.
Boss: Bullshit! Tell him we want a pic of him fighting the fucking fire! Then we’ll authorize the call-out!

731 Lexington Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: RedManInc

Posted on March 14, 2015
Bosses and Underlings, New York, Questions, Violence

But You’d Only Be Prosecuted for the Former

College student: So, if you stab someone and then stand there and watch them bleed to death, are you killing them or letting them die?
Logic professor: Well, I guess you would accomplish both.

Middle Tennessee State University
Murfreesboro, Tennessee

Posted on March 13, 2015
Students, Teachers, Tennessee, Violence

Violence