Skinny middle-aged man to large middle-aged receptionist: May I borrow your phone?
Receptionist: Sure, sugar.
Skinny middle-aged man, after calmly speaking with another doctor: And when I get there, I'm going to crap on your desk! (to receptionist) Thank you for letting me borrow your phone.
Receptionist: You're welcome, sugar.
Gastroenterology Office
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: the intern
Drone on phone: Oh yeah, my friend had that disease, he died… I’m sure you won’t die, though.
Storke Road
Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: angelina
Professor: Someone hacked into the university’s website, and now the Russian mafia has all of your information.
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Colleen
Female coworker: Freeze gopher! Let's get a move on…
Male coworker: Pardon?
Female coworker: You're walking extremely slowly, and I'm stuck walking behind you. If I had a gun I'd have shot you by now.
Calgary
Canadia
Mom, pointing to friend’s child: Say ‘Hello’ to Aidan*.
Shy child hiding face in mom’s leg: ‘Lo.
Mom: If you can’t look at him and ‘Hello’ properly then you can’t have swimming lessons. There, I just saved a hundred and fifty dollars!
145 Harlow Street
Bangor, Maine
Overheard by: Kelly
Union worker: Listen… Listen to me. You can’t fool me. I am my father’s son. You can’t pull the shirt over my eyes. You do what you gotta do.
309 West 49th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: fredshah
Somber attorney on phone: I’ve got some very bad news… I just got off the phone with the vet, and little Bobo’s sick… He’s got a case of bad attitude. That’s right, a bad attitude.
Empire State Building
New York, New York
Overheard by: Guy Smiley
30-ish mom slamming purse down in front of young teen boy: Excuse me!
Teen: Yeah?
Mom: You will stop harrassing my son [points outside to younger boy] immediately. Do you understand?!
Teen: What?
Mom: Don’t follow him, call him ‘gay,’ call him anything — just don’t talk to him.
Teen: What?
Mom: Look, I’m not like the other mothers around here. I’m not polite. I’m crazy. Super psycho crazy and I don’t give up.
Teen, intimidated: Okay.
Mom, leaning in: I have a dent in the front of my car, and I’m not afraid to put another one next to it — get my drift?
Starbucks
Westwood, New Jersey
Editor, on phone with reader: Sir, the phrase “Stick a sock in it” is pretty common. It’s a common phrase.
[Pause.]Editor: It’s no one’s sock, sir. It’s not a threat.
[Pause.]Editor: Well, I disagree. I think it is a pretty common phrase and I think everyone understood what I meant.
[Pause.]Editor: No, sir, it’s not my sock. It’s nobody’s sock.
Walnut Street
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Coworker on phone: So I told my husband, “I'm not going to have sex with you anymore until you lose 30 pounds!”
Dallas, Texas
