Engineer, to the HR director: Just in case you get a phone call about it later, I wasn’t trying to look at gay porn on my computer.
Farmers Branch, Texas
Defense attorney: Objection, Your Honor. The prosecution continues to assert this witness is an expert but has offered no evidence to support the claim.
Judge: Sustained. Mr. Martin*, is this witness your expert?
Prosecutor: Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: Would you care to establish for the court why the witness is an expert in the field of pediatrics?
Prosecutor: Cause he…ummm…knows stuff?
State Court
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Xen
Guy #1: Dude, can you believe breast pumps cost 350 dollars?
Guy #2, walking by: Why the hell are you looking at breast pumps?
Senior partner: There are some things you should really just not say out loud in the office, man. Come on!
Houston, Texas
Secretary: Your forehead is looking good today.
Boss: Yeah, the hole is still there but at least the scab is gone.
810 Highway 6 South
Houston, Texas
Female coworker: So…I heard you got married over the weekend.
Male coworker: Yes, I did.
Female coworker (eyeing his ring): Oooh, I love white gold! Very nice. Did you have them engraved?
Male coworker: Yes, in fact we both got identical inscriptions.
Female coworker (gushing): Oh, that's so romantic…what do they say?
Male coworker: “14k.”
Irving, Texas
Overheard by: The Bonesaw
Manager: How could you let this happen?
Clerk: I forgot.
Manager: You forgot? How could you forget? It’s so hard to forget! It’s easy to remember and hard to forget! Remember that! Haven’t you ever forgotten something and you tried to remember it? That’s how easy it is to remember!
1618 Main St.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Ydnas
Co-worker: Ugh! Easter’s on a Sunday this year!
6300 West Loop Freeway S
Bellaire, Texas
Office gossip: He thinks he's so cool–he's like white on rice!
Austin, Texas
Front desk agent: Oh, I forgot. I am Jack Martin*. I am too masculine and my chest is too hairy to let your dainty, girl hands touch my project.
Austin, Texas
