Co-worker: This place runs like a well-oiled banana.
3000 Mountain Creek Parkway
Dallas, Texas
Co-worker: This place runs like a well-oiled banana.
3000 Mountain Creek Parkway
Dallas, Texas
Older gentleman in response to memo on sexual harassment: In this office we don’t have sexual harassment, we just have sex!
Seguin, Texas
Trainer: So, we used to be called the self-help department, but now it's the self-services department. Before, we helped customers to help themselves. I guess now we help customers to um, service themselves.
Austin, Texas
Employee #1: You know that part of your brain that stops you from doing stupid shit?
Employee #2: Nope.
Employee #1: Oh.
Galleria
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: consultantinka
Not-so-smart office girl on phone: They think I read The Enquirer or something. I don't. I read people, I don't read books.
The Woodlands, Texas
Overheard by: hallokitty
Defense attorney: Objection, Your Honor. The prosecution continues to assert this witness is an expert but has offered no evidence to support the claim.
Judge: Sustained. Mr. Martin*, is this witness your expert?
Prosecutor: Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: Would you care to establish for the court why the witness is an expert in the field of pediatrics?
Prosecutor: Cause he…ummm…knows stuff?
State Court
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Xen
Guy #1: Dude, can you believe breast pumps cost 350 dollars?
Guy #2, walking by: Why the hell are you looking at breast pumps?
Senior partner: There are some things you should really just not say out loud in the office, man. Come on!
Houston, Texas
Secretary: Your forehead is looking good today.
Boss: Yeah, the hole is still there but at least the scab is gone.
810 Highway 6 South
Houston, Texas
Female coworker: So…I heard you got married over the weekend.
Male coworker: Yes, I did.
Female coworker (eyeing his ring): Oooh, I love white gold! Very nice. Did you have them engraved?
Male coworker: Yes, in fact we both got identical inscriptions.
Female coworker (gushing): Oh, that's so romantic…what do they say?
Male coworker: “14k.”
Irving, Texas
Overheard by: The Bonesaw
