Woman supervisor: So the manager called and asked me if I could open today.
Man supervisor: Yeah, me too. I was supposed to close tonight.
Woman supervisor: I told him I had some very important things to do this morning. Mostly it was getting over my hangover, ’cause I was gonna get fucking drunk last night.
Man supervisor: Sounds like a legit excuse to me.
Woman supervisor: Don’t worry, you can get drunk tonight.
8341 NW Roanridge Road
Kansas City, Missouri
Legal assistant to coworker: If I'm going to kill my liver, I'm sure as hell not going to let ibuprofen do it –I'm going to have fun and let alcohol do me in.
Durango, Colorado
Male worker #1: Would you do coke off of Lindsay Lohan's ass?
Male worker #2: What, like snort it out of her asshole? Yes.
SoHo
New York City, New York
Nurse: Have you ever done any other drugs? Cocaine? Meth?
Patient: I have loved meth since the day it was introduced to me.
Gall Boulevard
Zephyrhills, Florida
English professor to secretary: According to my college transcript, I took a course in my freshman year called “introduction to drugs”. I have no recollection of this course, and I wonder why.
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: English Major
Ghetto IT guy: It took me mad long to dig my car out. It was frozen in. I had to use one of the ice chopping things. I was going to town, it looked like I was cutting a huge pile of coke. I was slicing in rows up the whole thing.
IT girl: Ummm… Did you get your car out?
Madison Avenue
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Pepsi please
Nurse: I graduated with marijuana honors. I had one rolled under my cap and gown.
Edison, New Jersey
Female cube dweller, to no one in particular: The grapes in the cafeteria are going soft on me.
Washington, DC
Woman with shoes: But…you’re totally drunk.
Woman without shoes: I so want to get fired today.
633 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
Frat boy: Gimme something like a whiskey sour but dont put Jack Daniels or anything like that in it. I dont like whiskey!
Bartender: Well what you want in it instead of whiskey?
Frat boy: Use Jim Beam, I fucking love Jim Beam!
Evolution Nightclub
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Melvin
