My Taste Buds Are Resurrected

Excited graduate assistant: Cadbury cream eggs are like the Jesus of Easter!
Faculty passerby: Wait, what?

Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio

Posted on March 31, 2015
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Education, Employees, Holidays, Meals and Snacks, Places, Questions, Religion, Students

At Least There's No Chance She'll Reproduce

Female high school student walking into guidance counselor's office with a group of friends: Oh, right! You're who we come to talk to about sex.
Guidance counselor: Ahh, yes…
Female student: Well, I don't need to talk to you because I don't do that.
Guidance counselor: Do what?
Female student: You know…sex. I don't do it 'cause I'm syllabus.
Guidance counselor: Ummmm, right.

Roxbury, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Miss

Posted on March 27, 2015
Education, General Idiocy, Massachusetts, Sexuality, Students, Teachers, Words

So I Knew All the Questions Ahead of Time

GRE taker #1: That math section sure was hard.
GRE taker #2: Yeah, I was real confused with the angle-side-angle calculations.
GRE taker #1: I thought it was tough, too, but thankfully I took astrology last semester.

Fayetteville State University
Fayetteville, North Carolina

Posted on March 24, 2015
General Idiocy, Gripes, Midsouth, North Carolina, Students

Only in Church Leagues

Dodgeball learner: So, are you allowed to grab the other team's balls?

Hanover, Pennsylvania

Posted on March 22, 2015
Body Parts, Pennsylvania, Questions, Sports, Students, Weirdness

Especially When it Leaks out the Hole in my Side

Student: Ooooh, grape juice! I love drinking grape juice. It makes me feel like Jesus.

Eastern Kentucky University Dining Commons
Richmond, Kentucky

Posted on March 22, 2015
Education, Feelings, Kentucky, Meals and Snacks, Religion, Students

From the Ancient Canadian Folk Tale ‘Chickens Are from Hell, Eh?’

Teen #1: I swear, those chickens were from hell.
Teen #2: All chickens are from hell.

Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Canadia

Posted on March 18, 2015
Animals, Canadia, Comebacks, Gripes, Students

When Alumni Giving Attacks!: Coming Soon to Fox TV

Student on phone: Sir, as a current student at XYZ College*, I know I can talk to you about all the improvements that we’ve made since you attended…. Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. No… No, I didn’t realize you hated XYZ. I will be sure to tell him that… Repeat after you? Sir, please… I promise I’ll tell him… Okay, sir, I’ll tell him that you said that everyone at this school can fuck themselves and suck your 70-year-old balls… Thank you. You have a good night, too, sir.

515 Loudon Road
Loudonville, New York

Overheard by: trying not to laugh while on the phone

Posted on March 16, 2015
Default, Geography & History, Gripes, Insults, New York, On the phone, Students

But You’d Only Be Prosecuted for the Former

College student: So, if you stab someone and then stand there and watch them bleed to death, are you killing them or letting them die?
Logic professor: Well, I guess you would accomplish both.

Middle Tennessee State University
Murfreesboro, Tennessee