Brunette: So, like, she was totally found dead in her office.
Blonde: Omigod! Shut up!
Brunette: Ya. Like, Dr Wong found her dead one morning.
Blonde: Omigod! Shut up!
Brunette: It’s kind of fitting. I mean, she totally lived here at work anyway.
Blonde: Omigod! I would so totally die if someone found me dead in my office!
University of California, Davis
Overheard by: Research Monkey
Grad student #1: Do you at least remember going out onto the porch last night?
Grad student #2: Was I naked?
Grad student #1: Yes. Well, you had a blanket to cover your…dignity. But I think you lost your dignity some hours before.
Arlington, Virginia
Spanish teacher to students: Now for those of you who do not know a sandwich is: two pieces of bread with one or two objects in between them, and is eaten as a snack.
Loveland, Colorado
Overheard by: Aristide
Receptionist: Can I help you this morning?
Mom: Yes. I need a shot to keep my daughter from being a complete bitch.
Teen girl: Like they’ve invented that, Mom.
Chestnut Ridge Pediatrics
Woodcliffe Lake, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mothers Anonymous
Teacher: Does anyone know what Sputnik was?
Student: That’s, like, a dog, right?
High school
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kong
Student: Hi! I need to get a list of course requirements so I can fill out this form, please.
Receptionist: Okay, we’ll just need a copy of the form first.
Student: But I need the requirements to fill out the form…
Receptionist: I’m sorry, we don’t work in hypotheticals.
Student: Um… okay… What was it in the past?
Receptionist: We don’t file them that way. We’ll need a copy of the form.
Student: So you need this form filled out so you can give me the list that I need to fill out the form?
Receptionist: Yes!
Dunster Street
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Excited graduate assistant: Cadbury cream eggs are like the Jesus of Easter!
Faculty passerby: Wait, what?
Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Female high school student walking into guidance counselor's office with a group of friends: Oh, right! You're who we come to talk to about sex.
Guidance counselor: Ahh, yes…
Female student: Well, I don't need to talk to you because I don't do that.
Guidance counselor: Do what?
Female student: You know…sex. I don't do it 'cause I'm syllabus.
Guidance counselor: Ummmm, right.
Roxbury, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Miss
GRE taker #1: That math section sure was hard.
GRE taker #2: Yeah, I was real confused with the angle-side-angle calculations.
GRE taker #1: I thought it was tough, too, but thankfully I took astrology last semester.
Fayetteville State University
Fayetteville, North Carolina
Dodgeball learner: So, are you allowed to grab the other team's balls?
Hanover, Pennsylvania
