Librarian: Jeans, brain and behavior?
Student: Uh, genes with a G.
Librarian: Like this? Gene’s brain and behavior?
Student: There’s no apostrophe.
Librarian: I’m not getting any results.
Student: Well, I’m pretty sure it’s officially spelled with an ampersand.
Librarian: A what?
Addlestone Library
Charleston, South Carolina
Thin male college student: I’m hungry all the time. I must be a fatty–that’s the only reasonable explanation, I think.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Student: Mrs. Smith*, do you have any kids?
Mrs. Smith: No, I don’t have children.
Student: Did somebody steal them?
1212 Cheyenne Boulevard
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Sheri
Boy piano student #1, pencil poised under buttocks: Dare me to sit on this?
Boy piano student #2: You’ll hurt your testicles.
Girl piano student: Guess what? Dr. Evil’s dad made him shave his testicles!
Boy piano student #2: But testicles don’t grow hair.
Piano studio
Florida
Grad student: I’m just incapable of mounting anything remotely straight.
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Two-year-old girl: Up, Daddy.
Dad: No.
Two-year-old girl: Up, Daddy… P’ease?
Dad: No. C’mon, we taught you how to walk for a goddamned reason. Let’s move it.
Target
Avon, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Giftie #1: ‘Quixotic’ is so the best word you can make in Scrabble.
Giftie #2: It is not. The best is– Oooh! Ice cream truck!
Bayview and Eglinton Avenue
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Student: Is Sarah* out sick today?
Boss: No, she had to run some errands, she will be in shortly.
Worker: I knew it, she had to get the morning after pill!
(everyone laughs)
Boss to worker: Yeah, because you're so stingy with yours!
Carnegie Mellon University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Young girl: Mr. Lion! Hello, Mr. Lion!
Mom: I think that’s a jaguar.
Young girl: Hello, Mr. Lion!
Mom: That’s not a lion, sweetie, that’s a jaguar.
Young girl: Okay, mom, but I can’t say that word. Mr. Lion!
Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: James
