Paralegal: Good afternoon, [Law Firm name]. How may I help you?
Partner: Wow…Wow. You’ve got, like, a 1-900 phone voice. We’re gonna have to take you off the receptionist rotation. Don’t want to give our criminal clients the wrong impression.
600 East Broad Street
Richmond, Virginia
In a meeting: Providers only terminate their contracts for one of two reasons: Pay or Other.
At a bar with a friend: You know, I was diagnosed as a genius as a child and I think that is why I don’t get along with her; I don’t get along with other geniuses. That is why I think you and I are such good friends.
In response to an email: Ya know, I have tracking on this, and as usual, I am completely embarrassed.
[Bonus: found in coworker’s personal ad: Things that turn me on: Thunderstorms]522 SW 5th
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Breanna Freeman
Senior partner: I was telling my secretary the other day, “You know what turns me on? You know what gets me hot? A woman with a job.”
Senior associate: Well, I have one of those.
Senior partner: It really turns me on.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: praying that it's only a dream
Man entering bathroom, standing next to coworker at urinal: David*, you smell like suntan lotion. Have you been out tanning?
David*: I think you need to stop with your fantasies.
Men's Bathroom
Omaha, Nebraska
Girl, about overhead projection image: Any way you can make that bigger?
Whole class: That's what she said!
University
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: like, for real?
Nerd #1: All Brittney* talks about is food and sex.
Nerd #2: Yeah, what do you think she likes doing more: talking about eating while having sex, or talking about fucking while having lunch?
333 Pfingsten Road
Northbrook, Illinois
Overheard by: deltar
Young man on speakerphone: Let's set something up for next week then. When is good for you?
Lady who should have retired twenty years ago: You pick the day, I'm all loose.
Ottawa
Canadia
Studio Manager: I loved the part when you were a lesbian.
New York City, New York
Co-worker 1: …they’re always very nice people, though.
Co-worker 2: Who are?
Co-worker 1: Gay people. Very good linedancers.
Civic Drive
Greensborough, Melbourne
Australia
Gamer on phone: That good, huh? Wait, what do you mean by “He didn’t finish”? You guys put sex on hold for World of Warcraft! No way, that’s dedication.
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Sex > wow FTW
