11AM Smoke Break

Bookseller: I cleaned up all the damn puppets. All of them! Then, watched as a father allowed his children to throw all of them on the floor, play for an hour, then leave them. He grinned at me, said ‘Kids, right?’, then left. It took all I had not to tear that grin off his face, and shove it so far up his fucking ass that I could then reattach it backwards…Wow, four hours really is too long to go without a cigarette!
Cashier: That was the best image I’ve had all day. Go smoke so that I can savor it alone.

430 W Vine Street
Lexington, Kentucky

Overheard by: Laughing coworker

Posted on March 24, 2015
Advice, Employees, Gripes, Kentucky, Retail, Sales, Substance Use & Abuse, Violence

I’m a Great Distraction at Funerals

Female grocery stocker to male co-stocker: I laugh when I’m nervous, I can’t help it.
Male co-stocker: Yeah?
Female grocery stocker: Yeah. It’s really bad on roller coasters, I crack up. And I always laugh before the first kiss… And I laughed when I saw my dog get hit by a car… But I felt bad about that.

Alton Road
South Beach, Florida

Overheard by: BARA

Posted on March 24, 2015
Animals, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Death, Default, Employees, Feelings, Florida, Retail, Weirdness

5PM That’s a Wrap

Coworker #1: She was such a bitch to me for no reason! I think I’m beginning to hate people.
Coworker #2: You used to like people before working here? That’s so freakin’ cute!

430 W Vine Street
Lexington, Kentucky

Overheard by: I Heart Condescension

Posted on March 15, 2015
Comebacks, Coworkers, Gripes, Insults, Kentucky, Retail

Without Contempt for the Customer, No One Could Work in a Department Store

Older saleswoman, picking up the phone: Hello, this is Sue. How may I help you? Yes? Oh, no! Oh, dear! Definitely! Absolutely, just bring it on in and I’ll take care of it for you. No problem! I’m soooo sorry. I am so, so, so sorry!! [Hangs up phone.] I’m sorry your mother was a prostitute.

Department Store
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: lisa

Posted on March 4, 2015
Anger management, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Default, Feelings, Insults, Nebraska, On the phone, Retail, Sales

As Long as It’s Not the Same Date as Halloween Again

Woman #1: What day is Thanksgiving on this year?
Woman #2: I don’t know – Thursday or Friday?

Wal-mart
Springfield, Missouri

Overheard by: Jennifer Gerboth

Blonde cashier: Wow! Thanksgiving is on a Thursday this year!

Lake Travis, Texas

Overheard by: Frostwalrus

Posted on February 26, 2015
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Retail, Texas, Time Management

Hey, This Actually Is Fun!

Voice on phone: Hi. I just wanted to ask if you’re open today?
Employee: No, we’re not. I just thought it would be fun to come over here on my free day. That it?
Voice on phone: … Well, that was rude [hangs up].

Cell phone store
Kansas City, Missouri

Posted on February 12, 2015
Comebacks, Default, Missouri, On the phone, Questions, Retail, Smart Employees, Time Management

I’m Wearing One Now

PETCO employee: All of the employees here love the wee wee pads. We use them all the time!

PETCO
San Rafael, California

Overheard by: Housetrained

Posted on February 10, 2015
Animals, California, Default, Feelings, Retail, Weirdness

I Finally Had to Pretend to Be Dead

Technician #1 to technician #2: When the boss asked me where I was at on the calibration I just thought to myself: “If I stand here very quiet and don’t respond maybe he’ll forget he asked me”.

Avionics Shop, Washington

Posted on February 8, 2015
Coworkers, Default, Office Politics, Questions, Retail, Tech People, Time Management, Washington

Remind Me Again Why You’re in Charge?

Employee #1: Do we have any Band-Aids in the back?
Manager, after long pause: Uh…I don’t think so.
Employee #2: Oh, Susan* said we did. I need one.
Manager: Um…I’m pretty sure we don’t, but I’ll look.

After disappearing in the back for 5 minutes, manager comes back out to the register.

Employee #1: So there were none back there?
Manager: Nope.
Employee #2: I’m sure there are some. Not even in the first aid kit?
Manager, after another long pause: Oooh! Band-Aids! I thought you said, “Mayonnaise”!

Victoria’s Secret
New Mexico

Posted on February 2, 2015
Coworkers, Dumb Bosses, General Idiocy, Health & Hygiene, Meals and Snacks, New Mexico, Retail

Should Stop That Necktie from Fraying

Man: I’m going to get my thing cauterized. [Pause] Not my thing, but my thing.

Primark Eastbourne
United Kingdom

Posted on February 1, 2015
Retail, Suits, UK

Retail