Secretary: There’s one class called “How to Shoot a Porno.”
Employee: What?
Secretary: Yeah, it’s girl-on-girl. I called to ask if we could get a group discount, but it’s been cancelled due to a scheduling conflict.
Employee: Wow.
Secretary: There’s another class, “How to make sushi”…
845 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
Receptionist: I just want to punch you in your eye ’cause you’re getting too upset!
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Nikki
Assistant: You ever do something repeatedly–so much, that you’re like, “Whoa, this isn’t real. I’m not doing this!”?
Intern: Umm…
Assistant: Like, when you’re staring at your face in the mirror for so long that you’re like, “Whoa! That’s not my face! This isn’t real!” Hasn’t that ever happened to you?
Intern: No. That’s usually when I stop drinking.
900 2nd Street NE
Washington, DC
Attorney: A partner just caught me licking yogurt off my sweater.
Clerk: You’re definitely getting another raise.
Attorney: It was right on the boob.
Clerk: Wow, a raise and a bonus. You’re a real go-getter.
717 Madison Place NW
Washington, DC
Clerk guy: Yeah, so we ordered a pizza last night, and the guy on the phone knew my address, get this, before I even told him!
Clerk girl: Don’t they have caller ID or something?
Clerk guy: Man, I don’t know. I was smoking a big one, and I was like, “Dude, whoa. I think the government is all watching me now.”
Clerk girl: Um, probably not.
Clerk guy: Then explain to me how they knew my address and what kind of pizza I ordered last time! Explain that!
Kmart
Temple, Texas
Overheard by: Vicky
Receptionist: Ugh! I don’t understand how I can do my job when the phone keeps ringing!
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: doing her job
Secretary on phone: You are too happy, you aren't there alone, are you? (pause) Mmmmhmm, it is hot. (pause) I'm gonna let you go and call that crazy Tom* (pause) Oh, you wanna do a three-way instead? Let me see what I can do.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Not in on the action
Young receptionist: I keep finding cat scratches all over me!
Female accounts: Do you even have a cat?
Young receptionist: Yeah, I had to wash him.
Female accounts: Why in the hell would you wash a cat, they're self-cleaning!
Croydon Road
Australia
Office manager: Could you save this file somewhere in the system, please?
Receptionist: Where?
Office manager: Well, save it somewhere so that I could find it easily.
Receptionist, when manager leaves: Sure, bitch, I will do it, but don’t ask me if you can’t find it.
Office manager, returning: Excuse me?
Receptionist: Uh… I just said that I will save it in your directory, ma’am.
1250 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: jullylully
Secretary: If we call this basket “inhouse” mail, shouldn’t we call this basket “outhouse” mail?
401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
