Manager: Ok. Since it seems like [Dougie] doesn’t want to be a part of the team and show up for meetings, [Steve], from now on, when you send out meeting requests, make sure the invitation is sent to him personally.
[Steve]: So basically, I should click a few more times to enable this otherwise unacceptable behavior?Manager: Right.
[Steve]: Got it.214 West 39th Street
New York, New York
Customer: I need fabric.
CSR: OK. What type of fabric do you need?
Customer: I need fabric.
CSR: Um, could you be more specific?
Customer: I need fabric that looks like cloth.
425 West 15th Street
New York, NY
Home Depot worker: And so he says to me, “Are those metric inches?”
650 North 54th Street
Chandler, Arizona
Co-worker #1: Can I borrow a colored pen?
Co-worker #2: Here’s a red one, but I may need it later for drawing fire.
525 7th Avenue
New York, NY
Store clerk: So you're from Canada. Is it really quiet there?
Customer: Well, I guess that depends on where you live. I live in a large city, Toronto.
Store clerk: They have cities in Canada?
Northern Michigan
Old hen: My granddaughter wants to ride on a fire truck in the parade, who should I call?
Fire dept. rep: We don't do that anymore, because of the liability.
Old hen: What liability?
Fire dept. rep: Some silly kid will be jumping around all excited and fall off the truck and break their head, and then the parents will sue us for a zillion dollars.
Old hen: Well, not if it was the kid's fault, they wouldn't.
Fire dept. rep: What cartoon planet are you from, exactly?
Oregon
Overheard by: b-mac
Co-worker #1: Are the movers coming?
Co-worker #2: You might want to shut down your computer and gather you things so they can bring in your desk.
Co-worker #1: What time will they be here?
Co-worker #2: Noon. So you’ve got some time.
Co-worker #1: It’s 12:45!
Co-worker #2: Oh my gosh! I’ve got to start wearing a watch.
Co-worker #1: Why don’t you?
Co-worker #2: They give me rashes.
5203 Leesburg Pike
Falls Church, Virginia
Advertising intern, dialing number: Hello, I was wondering if you still have the silver ferret from yesterday? Okay, thanks.
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: get me out of here
Program manager on phone: Have you thought of marrying this chick? (pause) Does she give good head? (pause) Okay, is she willing to learn?
North Carolina
