Now I Have to Figure Out What “Coffee” Is

Airhead intern, chatting loudly on cell: I have to go, they actually gave me something to do.

7th and 34th
New York City, New York

Posted on January 23, 2015
Default, Interns & Temps, New York, Offers and requests, On the phone, Time Management

“…and don’t expect a gift.”

Coworker on phone: Are you getting married?…Well, I heard you was gettin’ married…’Cause if you’re getting married, I need to know about it and I don’t want you to be my life insurance beneficiary anymore! I just want someone to feed my goddamn cats if something happens to me!

100 East Broad Street
Columbus, Ohio

Posted on January 22, 2015
Gossip, Ohio, On the phone

If It Were, This Mimosa Would Be a Lot More Appropriate

Receptionist: Good morning, ABC* machinery.
Customer: Good morning, can I speak to Bob*?
Receptionist: One moment, please.
Customer, under his breath: It's not morning!

Amarillo, Texas

Overheard by: Jocelyn

Posted on January 21, 2015
Customer Service, General Idiocy, Names, On the phone, Receptionists, Texas

…Which Is a Totally Different Recipe.

Coworker on phone: I made some really good roasted vegetables with polenta last night, you should have been there. (pause) No, that's a placenta.

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Shannon

Posted on January 21, 2015
Colorado, Coworkers, General Idiocy, Meals and Snacks, On the phone, Words

Remember How We Said If You Asked That Again You’d Be Fired?

Sales rep on phone: Um, I don’t know, let me check… [Mutes phone and yells to coworkers] Do we carry Big Ben’s nut sauce?!

Charleston, South Carolina

Overheard by: Laughing too hard to answer

Posted on January 20, 2015
On the phone, Possible Sexual Harassment, Questions, South Carolina

PTSD Is Quite Common in the Postal Service

Woman yelling to husband over cell phone, with look of horror in her eyes: *Bob? Bob?!? Bob, are you crying? Are you crying, bob?!? Yes, I need stamps. 100 of them.

University Place
Stamford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Studs

Posted on January 17, 2015
Connecticut, Customers, Default, Family, Feelings, On the phone, Questions, Service, Weirdness

I'll Take That As a No

Agent: Can you tell me what color the small square or circular sticker is on the back of your phone?
Customer: I had cervical surgery this week. My neck hurts.

Vermillion, South Dakota

Overheard by: Haley

Posted on January 14, 2015
Body Parts, Colors, Customers, Employees, Health & Hygiene, On the phone, Questions, South Dakota, Weirdness

But Don’t You Need to Know My Lineage?

Caller: Yes, I would like to confirm my reservation for tonight. My surname is Tango Anglo-Saxon, Newfoundland–
Receptionist: Um, sir, you lost me at ‘Tango.’ Can I just have the first three letters of your last name?

Kinzie and State Streets
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on January 12, 2015
Dumb Customers, Illinois, On the phone

Well It's Clear on My Desktop Wallpaper, Anyway.

Ubergeek on phone: I am up in Davenport right now, and it's quite clear, and rumor has it Schwarzenegger will be here tomorrow.
Neighbor geek: Stop pretending like you go outside and can enjoy good weather.

Davenport, California

Posted on January 12, 2015
California, Dorks, Geeks, & Nerds, Nerds and Geeks, On the phone, Politics, Weather

We All Have Lingering Questions About Sarah Palin

Coworker on phone: It doesn't still smell like squirrel, does it?

Portland, Oregon

Posted on January 7, 2015
Animals, Coworkers, On the phone, Oregon, Questions, Sensory Experiences

On the phone