Voicemail: Hello, this is Joe* from engineering, I’m having a problem with my computer, and was told you could help me out. It appears that there is a problem with my fixed dick…er, ficked disk, fisk dick.
[pause]
FIXED DISK…..
4747 Harrison Avenue
Rockford, Illinois
Young employee on cell: You know how you wear pants that are too tight and you get that mark? It's kinda like that.
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
Boss on phone, trying to dig himself out of a hole: I've been straight and honest and very clear and precise in what I say. I am very careful and think about what I say before I let it come out of my mouth, except this one time, but it went over everybody's head, so I don't think they noticed.
University
Maine
Executive assistant on phone: You know, I don't want to sound mean, but something I've noticed is: all the students who have (pause) problems… all take psychology courses! Why do you think that is? Maybe they're just trying to “figure it all out”?
Jesuit University
Maryland
Overheard by: Admin
Receptionist: No, sir. No, I don't know where you heard that. (pause) No, our judges cannot issue you a new Green Card over the phone.
Baltimore, Maryland
Phone Rep: Sir, are you self-employed?…OK. And do you own the prison?
14700 Citicorp Drive
Hagerstown, Maryland
Employee #1: Yeah, it was a great porno. Yeah, she was all up on his taint. The taint. You know the part between the meat and the hole? Yeah, that.
Employee #2, on the phone with customer: (cringe)
Customer on phone: Excuse me…
Employee #2: Umm, yes ma'am?
Customer: Was that man talking about balls?
Pizza Place
Long Island, New York
Caller, after lengthy pause: Sorry, I’m just unplugging the computer.
Tech support: That’s ok. I just pretend I’m getting one of those heavy breathing calls.
Memphis, Tennessee
PR Girl on cell: Hello, Fast Signs? How fast are your signs?
41 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Guy on phone with his mom: I think if an axe murderer breaks in, he'll already have an axe.
Stratford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Deek
