Midsouth

5PM That’s a Wrap

Coworker #1: I am going to come in on Monday and tell [Dave] to shove it.
Coworker #2: Do I even want to know why?
Coworker #1: I’m going to win the lottery this weekend. Fifty-six million dollars!
Coworker #2: If I win the lottery, I will go around running into every person in Houston who has ever cut me off! And those that come out of the parking lot right when the light turns green and then cross all three lanes in front of everyone, I’m just gonna floor it…
Coworker #1: Uh, I was just talking about not having to work for a while.

2875 Antoine
Houston, Texas

3PM Cellular Difficulty

Coworker: Okay, I’m headed out to the meeting. I have the cell phone if you need me…Does this have to be turned on, or will it turn itself on when a call comes in?

1001 North 19th Street
Arlington, Virginia

He Aced the Mixed Drinks Portion of the Bar Exam

Defense attorney: Objection, Your Honor. The prosecution continues to assert this witness is an expert but has offered no evidence to support the claim.
Judge: Sustained. Mr. Martin*, is this witness your expert?
Prosecutor: Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: Would you care to establish for the court why the witness is an expert in the field of pediatrics?
Prosecutor: Cause he…ummm…knows stuff?

State Court
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Xen

12PM Lunch

Customer: So, this Wild Mushroom Pizza, does it have mushrooms on it?
Waitress: Ummm, yeah.

701 Lynnhaven Parkway
Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Cassandra

The Real Battle Is between Flesh and Synthetic Fibers

Coworker #1: So how did your tennis match go last night?
Brad*: Um, I’d rather not talk about it.
Coworker #2: Nobody wins when Brad wears tennis shorts.

Piedmont, South Carolina

Overheard by: Ape

How Angie Got Her First Job

Manager: So why do you want to work in a book store?
Teen: Um…I love reading books.
Manager: What’s the last book you read?
Teen: Uh…Umm…I don’t…[Giggles]…Umm…
Manager: Well, what’s your favorite book?
Teen: Um…
Manager: Okay.

Barnes & Noble, Irving Mall
Irving, Texas

Overheard by: Mongo Man

Except Today They Were Spouting Some Nonsense About Loving My Neighbor

Coworker #1: What radio station do you listen to on your way to work?
Coworker #2: I listen to a Christian station so I can prepare myself for dealing with you assholes.

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: one of the assholes

You Have None of the Lying Skills You’ll Need in Advertising

HR manager: How long do you plan to be with the company?
Girl interviewee: Until I find something better.
HR manager: Okay, I think that about does it. Thank you for coming in.

Brentwood, Tennessee

Sir, You Need More Services Than I Can Provide

CSR: OK, sir, go ahead and click on the logo in the top left of your screen.
Customer, on phone: I don’t see that. I’m on a page that says "Welcome," then "My Profile."
CSR: OK, go ahead and click on "My Profile."
Customer: I don’t see that.

9800 Fredericksburg Road
San Antonio, Texas

Overheard by: Raydran

Kindly Do Not Demonstrate

Woman: So if you’ve never done it before, it’s going to hurt the first time and maybe even bleed a bit.
Man: Uh huh.
Woman: So don’t be afraid. You should try it. It’s definitely worth it.

Other people in elevator shuffle uncomfortably.

Woman: Um…So flossing is crucial to good dental hygiene.

Elevator
Houston, Texas

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