Manager: Hey there! How are you feeling about your second day?
Intern: Whelmed.
Manager: I’m sorry, what was that?
Intern: Whelmed. You know, you can be “overwhelmed” and “underwhelmed,” but I’m just “whelmed.”
Manager: I see. Well, maybe some coffee would help?
1400 16th Street NW
Washington, DC
Coworker #1: I got an extra sausage which I haven't touched. Do you want it?
Coworker #2: Is that a pick-up line?
El Segundo, California
Coworker #1: I need to learn how to spell “plain”
Coworker #2: You mean like the kind that crashes into towers, or like yogurt?
Vancouver Island
Canadia
Girl nerd: I'd like to buy two cookies and two drinks, please.
Cashier: Okay, that'll be $1.18.
Girl rocker: For two cookies and two drinks? That's not right. That's got to be for one cookie or something.
Cashier: Yes. Wait, you want two cookies and two drinks?
Girl nerd: I'm paying for two cookies and two drinks.
Cashier: Okay, hmm… (thinks for a few seconds, then pushes buttons on the register) Umm…
Girl rocker: She wants two cookies and two drinks.
Cashier: Okay, that'll be $4.45.
Girl nerd: That makes more sense. I was wondering why it was so low.
Cashier, handing them two drinks and one cookie: There you go. Sorry for the confusion! Have a good day.
Girl rocker: We wanted two cookies.
Cashier: Two cookies? I thought you said two drinks.
Girls in unison: We said two cookies and two drinks.
Girl nerd: Did you charge me for two cookies?
Cashier: No, but you can just have the second one. Don't worry. No charge.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Pregnant coworker: Do you see this? I’m writing my name on the milk container so she won’t drink out of it! I should probably label it “breast milk”.
Male coworker: That might not stop her.
Huntington, New York
Warehouse manager: Anyone seen Joe*?
Office manager: I don’t know where he is. He sent me an email at 2:03, so he’s at a computer somewhere.
Sales guy: I haven’t seen him in a while.
Office manager: I bet he went home and he’s sending these emails from the web-mail!
Assistant: No, I went out to the warehouse not long ago and passed him on my way out there. He didn’t look very happy though.
Sales guy: Why don’t you bake him a birthday cake?
Assistant: But it’s not his birthday!
Sales guy: It doesn’t matter. Birthday cakes make everyone feel better.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Man to female coworker: I don’t think you understand — you brought in fried chicken for us. This gesture is a little more serious than, ‘I can tolerate your presence,’ and quite honestly, I’m not sure if I’m ready to take our relationship to that level.
M Street
Washington, DC
Thin older executive assistant: I'm eating candy, my doctor says I gotta keep my fatty acids up.
Thin younger executive assistant: Your fatty asses?
Thin older executive assistant: Well, that's what candy leads to, I guess.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: DBA [giggling, one cube over]
Coworker secretly returning another’s bag of snacks while clutching stomach: Good God. This must be how those people who are eating that 200-pound, anatomically correct chocolate Jesus feel. Pardon me while I unbutton my pants so I can breathe.
300 North McKemy Avenue
Phoenix, Arizona
Loopy office lady: Oh, in the winter I only drink decaf, but in the summer, I drink coffee with one shot of Kahlua, one shot of Baileys, and one scoop of vanilla ice cream. Oh, yeah! And one shot of amaretto.
Office Park
Murray, Utah
Overheard by: I'm the sucker with cream only.
