Big chick: I walked to McDonald’s today. It’s like the subway diet, only less effective.
McDonald’s
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Overheard by: jared
Big chick: I walked to McDonald’s today. It’s like the subway diet, only less effective.
McDonald’s
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Overheard by: jared
Paralegal: What color is mozzarella?
Office manager: White, why?
Paralegal: Ummm…I'm going to need an extra bag, I am cleaning the fridge and that bag of mozzarella is like dark brown and green, and I don't mean spots…
Office manager: Uh-uh, here. (hands over bag) I hope it doesn't start moving.
(paralegal laughs and heads toward kitchen)
Paralegal (one minute later): Hey, what color is kiwi suppose to be?
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: joey
Soccer mom: Can I have a medium iced latte? (pause) Wait, how much is a large?
Employee: $2.99.
Soccer mom: And how much is the medium?
Employee: $2.69.
Soccer mom: So which is the better value?
Employee: Huh?
Soccer mom: How many ounces are in the large? How many are in the medium? What's the cost per ounce of each?
Next customer in line: Here's thirty cents, just give her a large.
Soccer mom: I'm not sure if I want a large.
Rest of very long line: Argh!
Dunkin Donuts
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Heavy D
Thin coworker girl, about carrot cake: I'll have seconds.
Middle-aged coworker woman: Your tapeworm wants another piece?
1000 Exposition
Los Angeles, California
Woman #1: I love Lean Cuisine.
Woman #2: Me too! We should be in commercials for them.
Woman #1: Yeah! We really should.
Woman #2: Know what else I would be in commercials for?
Woman #1: What?
Woman #2: Epidurals. (walks away)
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Steph
Female employee: Can I stick my hand in there without getting HIV?
Male employee: Yeah, but you might pull out a carrot or two.
Department of Homeland Security
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Cube around the corner
Boss: I hate these burritos. The ingredients aren’t mixed up at all. It’s like a fetus they mangled into a tortilla.
North Meridian Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Developer
Female employee: Somebody pushed that ten-inch pepperoni way in there!
Pizza Place
Wichita, Kansas
Guy serving lunch: Do you want meatloaf?
Kid: No, I'm a vegetarian.
Guy serving lunch: Not today, you're not! (slaps a big piece of meatloaf on kid's plate)
23rd Street
New York City, New York
Employee #1: I wonder who put these chocolates on my desk.
Employee #2: I put my money on the easter bunny.
Employee #1: Yeah, the easter bunny…at this point in my life I’ll even take farm animals into consideration.
360 Hiatt Drive
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida
