Matt: Later we are getting cupcakes…
Jen: Why, is it your birthday?
Matt: Sort of it… it’s my half birthday. So are you in?
Jen: What do you mean half birthday?
Matt: Well my birthday is December 26th.
Jen: Ok -I’ll ask Stacey if she wants in.
Madison Avenue
New York City, New York
Boss: I got two boxes of candy, 13 kinds of beer, 28 bottles of alcohol, 25 pounds of carne asada, 3 kinds of ribs, Pink's hot dogs, 6 Cornish game hens, and Angus hamburgers. I think we're set for the barbecue tomorrow. Oh, I forgot to tell you, they're filming another porno here on Saturday. Tell all your friends to come.
Los Angeles, California
Two nursing assistants were feeding old men at the home.
Nursing assistant #1: Wow, you’re a really awesome chewer.
Nursing assistant #2: I bet you say that to all the guys.
694 Isaac Prugh Way
Kettering, Ohio
Cube monkey, eating alone at desk and coughing: Quit trying to eat yourself!
Overland Park, Kansas
Office girl: Dude, I took a weird deuce this morning!
Office guy: What? How?
Office girl: Have you ever seen anyone make a funnel cake?
Durham, North Carolina
Father to son about to eat crayons: No, no, no! Crayons aren't for eating!
Four-year-old boy: But I eat them at school!
Everett, Washington
Overheard by: Hopes their food comes up soon
Customer: How many pieces of chicken are in the 12-piece meal?
Employee: Are you fucking with me?
Thornton, Colorado
Female peon: I love eating a rare steak and then sopping up all the juice with some bread.
Male peon: You know what I like? To puncture a hole in a small animal that runs by my house and catch the blood like a fountain.
Female peon: Um, yeah, that would work, too.
4653 Cotton Gin Loop
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: RebeccaB
Admin on phone: …and the baby smelled like fried chicken!
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Female coworker, raiding candy bowl on guys desk: How do you stay away from this candy all day?
Male coworker: I thought you were a nut girl.
Female coworker: I am, but sometimes I need my hard sweets.
Little Rock, Arkansas
