Female coworker, about manager: I'm not sayin' that I'm fuckin' Coretta Scott King in this bitch, but I'm not fartin' in a cubicle!
West Lafayette, Indiana
Female coworker, about manager: I'm not sayin' that I'm fuckin' Coretta Scott King in this bitch, but I'm not fartin' in a cubicle!
West Lafayette, Indiana
Waiter: There's a fly buzzing around. I kept him off your food.
Manager: Ah, it doesn't matter. Nobody ever died from that.
Waiter: Nobody ever died from licking my balls, either. You want to come over here and do that?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Coworker #1: I can't believe you would give someone a nickname like that!
Coworker #2: I thought you knew what a “pole smoker” was.
Coworker #1: No, I didn't. And my mom didn't think it was funny when my wife explained it to the family at Easter, either!
Coworker #2: So does that mean you're going to change your screen name?
Evansville, Indiana
Woman: I haven’t talked to Henry* in a week. I’m through with him.
Man: Why? What happened?
Woman: He’s sooo selfish. He took the last t-shirt out of my drawer and wore it.
Man: That’s it? Dumped him over a t-shirt?
Woman: I texted him and told him we’re through.
Man: Wow. Dumped over a Hanes.
Woman: Yep. Infidelity I forgave, but don’t take my last goddamned t-shirt out of my fuckin’ drawer. Selfish!
45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Office lady: Does anyone have any gum? I really need something in my mouth right now.
Evansville, Indiana
Overheard by: JWall
Lab worker packing specimens to send to reference lab: Wow! I don't have any gonorrhea or chlamydia today!
Kokomo, Indiana
Tubby manager: I need to lose some weight.
Blunt manager: How about you quit eating like a twelve-year-old whose parents aren't home from work yet, chunk-style?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
20-something chick #1: Yeah, can I get a ham and cheese sandwich on fellatio bread.
20-something chick #2: Ummm, I think it’s called ‘focaccia’ bread…
Lafayette, Indiana
Security worker: The girl they adopted was a grown woman, but she was a midget.
Fishers, Indiana
Overheard by: Answer the damn phone
Gay server #1: We’ll be meeting that non-lesbian who looks just like a guy.
Gay server #2: Dibs on her anus.
[pause]Gay server #1: It’s always about the anus with you, isn’t it?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
