Young mother pushing baby carriage to old woman holding door for her: Oh, thanks. I think about how hard it must be for people in wheelchairs, but I think this is worse, because I always have so much to carry.
Kent, Ohio
Overheard by: elizabetz
Young mother pushing baby carriage to old woman holding door for her: Oh, thanks. I think about how hard it must be for people in wheelchairs, but I think this is worse, because I always have so much to carry.
Kent, Ohio
Overheard by: elizabetz
Employee #1: Look at all that food you have there.
Employee #2: It’s going to give me a heart attack, but I love it; especially all the greasy bacon and sausage.
Employee #3: I wish I knew someone who knows CPR in case you have a coronary.
Employee #2: [Sean] and [Gina] are medics, they should know CPR.
Employee #1: What do they know about CPR? They are ambulance drivers.
2727 Walker Avenue NW
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Super pregnant co-worker to new hire: Oh my god, it's like I can feel his face pushing up against my vagina whenever I walk!
(new hire stares in stunned silence)
Super pregnant co-worker, attempting to backpedal: Well, I mean, not all the time. But if I walk really fast then I get worried it'll mess up his face! Like, “woah, dude, what happened to your nose?” “My mom had a really heavy gait when I was in utero, man.”
New Jersey
Overheard by: So, what does it feel like when you sit?
PA: Enema on my laptop once, shame on you. Enema on my laptop twice, shame on me.
San Francisco, California
Manager: I was walking my dog this morning when I felt a pain in a very private place, so I ran inside my house and pulled my pants down in my living room, and a fire ant had bitten me on my you-know-what!
Employee: Ouch?
Manager: It really itches. I keep going to the bathroom and pulling down my pants and looking at it and touching it, but I’m scared to put any medicine on my private place.
Employee: Oh. That is a problem.
Manager: I know. Oh, I’m itching again, I’ll be right back. [Goes to the restroom.]Employee, to coworker: I’m picturing her 50-year-old, ant-bitten vagina right now, and I want to stab myself to get that image out of my head.
Sandwich shop
South Carolina
20-something woman: Just when I get my desk cleaned up, someone comes and dumps a pile of bras on it.
36th Street and 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Older lady: The bag can't go through the ass! I'm writing him an e-mail. He's taking this shit back.
Younger lady: Hey, are we allowed to drop the s-bomb on packaging?
Yonkers, New York
Overheard by: Jay B
Co-Worker #1: Kids are just a built in excuse to call in sick. If Carl* can call in because his kid is sick, I should be able to call in sick because I’m hungover.
Co-Worker #2: Wouldn’t that be every day then?
Co-Worker #1: No, I mean too hungover to work.
Highways 7 and 78
Independence, Missouri
Overheard by: steak of life
Coworker #1: You're so lucky you get to go home early!
Coworker #2: Nah, I have to go to my mom and dad's house. I just hope I don't get MRSA… Or crabs.
Everett, Washington
Coworker to another, during lunch: Would you know a maggot if you saw one?
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Glad they didn't bring anything back for me.
